Life Is Short, Make the Most of It

For goodness sake, I don’t want to enlarge my penis. Leave me alone. I might not be very satisfied with the size of it but I love its performance, and I mean, no matter the consignment I’m handling, big, short, small, tall, lekpa or orobo (no matter the volume!). It may have failed me a couple of times but most of those times were excusable.

Who the heck gave them my email address? They keep on sending me these rubbish ‘Enlarge Your Penis’ mails trying to make me buy some cheap drug, do I look like a guinea pig. What madness! Within the past half hour, I followed a link in a mail I got and I saw Before & After pictures. How crass is that? Very convincing. The annoying thing is that the members shown were not even good looking enough, weak and raggedish looking onyibo man thing.

How do they even know I’m a guy, abi na Yahoo!?

If no be ‘Enlarge Your Penis’ na “Are You Wanting a Bigger Penis’ or ‘Get More Girth’ or ‘No Pills, No Medication’ or ‘Be a More Confident Man’, the coolest though was ‘Life is Short, Make the Most of It’.

Is it all about marketing? And they do not fail to call it PENIS.

I deny not, however, that the thought to place an order has not crossed my mind before, more than once actually, but of course I don’t want a delivery tagged, ‘Enlargement Solution’ DHL'd to my house and have someone else receive it (I use my family address for deliveries because I live alone)…I might as well walk into a shop and like for a pack of condoms, ask for Penis Enlargement pills, or whatever it is they come in. shame no gree me abeg.

Back to the point! I have decided, I don’t want to enlarge my penis. I don’t need 9inches of manhood. I don’t want to be a porn star. My role model is NOT Lexington Steele, I’d rather watch not do. I don’t want to impale anybody’s daughter, although there’s this particular girl I would love to run through (she don show me pepper).

I know what my over-endowed friends suffer, there’s always a story to tell especially of how they finally didn’t go through with it. I love my sex and will do nothing to jeopardise that.

LEAVE MY DICK ALONE, YOU FRAUDSTER.

I’m Stretching...

…few days into my break…back on board trying to catch up with the latest jist on blogsville…besides pondering what the crap anonymous Jinx was dissing my dark woman Ide for (btw, i love what you've done with your blog) when Mr.Burntmelons’s lamenting about his second missing purse, and why ogbono_fishsticks hasn't got a blog...

…I’m trying to figure what you bloody Londoners call summer…thank GOD i don’t live here anymore…sun dey bright wan blind me, cold breeze dey blow wan freeze me, rain dey drizzle dey soak me…such rubbish weather...

…for the past weeks, my life had been a rollercoaster of work pressures, worries, emotions, anger, sex, bills, exam preparations, financial commitments, no blogging...

…now, I’m clubbing somewhere in Woolwich over the weekend and apart from hoping I don’t get shanked I am wondering (for whatever reason) if this guy I saw was some villager from blogsville, wondering what he was doing there…slept from 5am till 2pm on sunday...

…my people, the major agenda for the time off apart from blogging is SLEEP…considering I can’t get any of that back home…to many flying bullets…Porter d’Harcourt, Ubong Da and Jaja I hope you guys are cool, I’m sure you’ll survive the curfew, its only for a week...

…anyway, I’m back to blogsville…feeling like a very erect member that has finally found solace in a wet and juicy crevice...

…part 2 of Phone Conversation coming soon…