Wrong Buy!

I am so pissed, my phone screen has been going blank for a while now, so I refused to slide it shut so it stays on. So you can imagine my N81 staying open even in my pocket because if I slide it shut I might have to restart the phone to get to see anything on the screen.

.

So I go ahead to seek out a replacement, and followed the advice of my friend and colleague. I buy a Nokia6700, hard metal sleek flat small phone. Now I have owned the phone for a little over 12hours and it is driving me mad. I managed to do a phone switch and got all my contacts and calendar entries transferred.

.

Now I save contacts by what I can remember people by, e.g. all the people that work in UBA have the letters, UBA after their names, with a space in between, such that all I have to do is type the letters, UBA and all the entries with the letter UBA appear, even names like Ubani.etc. But with this bitch, I have to remember the first names of the individuals and type it. As in, my Contact list is surname first so I have to recall the names I saved it as and, OMG, I do not have the patience for that kind of thing. It is driving me mad here. I am already searching for names.

.

I’m so upset this morning; I want to sell the phone for N30k, N7k less than I paid for it yesterday evening. I can’t take it back to the person I bought it from because I gave him heat for him to get it, now I don’t want it. Or I might just give the damn phone out.

.

It is still very brand new; all the waterproof sheets are intact. I’ve got the packet at home, & I’m tempted to go home right now & swap my sim right back in the half dead phone, & sell this nonsense. If I could transfer all my contacts to my blackberry, I might just have only one phone.

.

Some one here should tell me they want the phone & I’ll DHL it right to you (in Nigeria only) if you promise to pay N35k in my account on receipt of the phone. I’m really unhappy about this purchase.

Life Is Short, Make the Most of It

For goodness sake, I don’t want to enlarge my penis. Leave me alone. I might not be very satisfied with the size of it but I love its performance, and I mean, no matter the consignment I’m handling, big, short, small, tall, lekpa or orobo (no matter the volume!). It may have failed me a couple of times but most of those times were excusable.

Who the heck gave them my email address? They keep on sending me these rubbish ‘Enlarge Your Penis’ mails trying to make me buy some cheap drug, do I look like a guinea pig. What madness! Within the past half hour, I followed a link in a mail I got and I saw Before & After pictures. How crass is that? Very convincing. The annoying thing is that the members shown were not even good looking enough, weak and raggedish looking onyibo man thing.

How do they even know I’m a guy, abi na Yahoo!?

If no be ‘Enlarge Your Penis’ na “Are You Wanting a Bigger Penis’ or ‘Get More Girth’ or ‘No Pills, No Medication’ or ‘Be a More Confident Man’, the coolest though was ‘Life is Short, Make the Most of It’.

Is it all about marketing? And they do not fail to call it PENIS.

I deny not, however, that the thought to place an order has not crossed my mind before, more than once actually, but of course I don’t want a delivery tagged, ‘Enlargement Solution’ DHL'd to my house and have someone else receive it (I use my family address for deliveries because I live alone)…I might as well walk into a shop and like for a pack of condoms, ask for Penis Enlargement pills, or whatever it is they come in. shame no gree me abeg.

Back to the point! I have decided, I don’t want to enlarge my penis. I don’t need 9inches of manhood. I don’t want to be a porn star. My role model is NOT Lexington Steele, I’d rather watch not do. I don’t want to impale anybody’s daughter, although there’s this particular girl I would love to run through (she don show me pepper).

I know what my over-endowed friends suffer, there’s always a story to tell especially of how they finally didn’t go through with it. I love my sex and will do nothing to jeopardise that.

LEAVE MY DICK ALONE, YOU FRAUDSTER.