“Hello”, the expected almost familiar voice said, “Is that Baroque?”
“Yes oh, na me, onye na eku” I replied with a quickened vigour in playful Igbo guessing who was at the other end.
“It’s me again, Nma, are you busy”, quite forward, I thought
“Nope, just got in from work and have been actually waiting for your call” I said smiling. I was actually hoping she’d call
“You were waiting for my call, huh? Then you must have been thinking of something while you were waiting”, she says with this very jolly tone
“Well, nothing fancy; if I wanted Fruit & Fibre or Indomie for supper or Garri, and at the same time, trying to picture what the lips from whence such a voice came would look like”, I sharply rejoined
“Ok, then, if you want to knock yourself out then do Garri but first let’s hear about the lips”, she said, ending with this flirtatious tone
“Wouldn’t you rather hear about my Jewish side or have us talk about our broken hearts” I said disjointedly referring to our previous conversation
“After you tell me what you were thinking” she says
I’m getting very excited; maybe it was the promising sound of her voice or maybe my present hornyness doing the thinking for me.
“I’m not saying anything because I was thinking about a lot more than lips; believe me sweetheart, you don’t want to hear my thoughts,”
“OK oh! More than lips?” she exclaimed, “Now I want to hear it” she continued
“You dey find trouble; I’ll tell you in person, over Shawarma and a cold beer” I say after a 3 seconds delay
“I take that as an invitation, but tell me what’s on your mind first” she said
“You’re already on my mind, if you want to get in any deeper, you’ll need more than a shield and buckler”. That was me flirting shamelessly, not like I care anyway
“Eheh! you dont mean it; is there anything I should be wary of, Mr. B?”
Mr. B? We are now on the nickname levels huh! I’m thinking to myself
“What do you suspect? You don’t strike me like someone that’ll scare easily”
“Why would you think so” she asked chuckling
“You’ve not given any reasons to think otherwise” I reply, feeling very smart
After about 3 minutes of inconsequential talk, I decide to spice up a bit and introduce some impishness and push it
“Gosh, I’m so horny; which kind life be this?” my very famous line that has brought me some sunshine in the past
“WHAT! What did you say?” she enquired. I think I heard her do a half smile despite her attempt to sound shocked
“My dear, nothing oh, was just thinking out loud, been a while since I got proper loving done to me”, I lied. Well in my books two days without sex is long enough for me to get to my horniest peak.
“Proper loving done to you? What the hell are you talking about?” she asks
“You won’t understand until we meet” I say convincingly, “Oh shyeet, my light has gone, NEPA, craze people, I’m using a cordless phone so it’ll go off in a minute or two, lemme give you my mobile number” I continue
“Ok then, give it to me, I’ll call you in 2 days when I’m in Nigeria”.
She says her cousin was coming to get her from the Owerri airport and that she would be in Aba for a few days, then be in Port Harcourt by weekend, I give her my mobile number and take hers, just before the phone dies.
Now that same piss dey worry me and I’m sure I’ll enjoy this one too, off to my pour out my bladder.