Thursday, 8 May 2008

Crouching Nigger Hidden Savage

I heard the smashing sound of glass and the startle almost broke my neck; my eyes closed by reflex as I saw shrapnel flying when the bottle made contact with the edge of our table. I almost slid off my seat when I ducked leftwards turning around to face the would-be assailant.

This was the guy from outside the beer parlour next to ours that we had laughed at when a girl, whose ass he had apparently grabbed, was shouting him down and threatening with her stiletto heels. He had a horrible looking scare above his lip and he looked like a ruffian. Now he had three other goons around him and my two friends I was seated with were up on their feet as well, all on guard.

“For this town? Una dey mad? Na me una dey make jest of” said this low life scum. He was probably the lord and master of everything that walked and talked around there.

What’s going on here? Is this brute the fucking owner of the town? I conveniently had several other friends drinking in this bar at this point in time; we had all stopped here to kill time before heading for the traditional marraige that that brought us to this part of town. This senseless guy was obviously unaware of the fact that unless he had an army waiting around the corner that he was outnumbered. I was not going to have this bastard walk free after this performance.

His muscular looking chest was heaving beneath his green and white striped t-shirt. He probably thought he was Julius Cesar. I only prayed he didn’t have a gun because a brawl was about to ensue.

My friend Omo (from Fall In, Walk Out of Love) was standing to my right and my other best friend Bob on my left, the perfect combination for the first attack. We were not the ones to walk away from a fight and especially not today that the stage was set.

No time to space out.

My cheek hurt. I touched it, a piece of glass had pricked me. “Fucking shit, this guy’s don wound me” I said to Bob. In a split-second I pounced across the table grabbing the empty bottle of Sprite close to the base. Before his punch narrowly missed my jaw and landed on my shoulder, I slammed the under of the bottle on his left brow. My left hand reaching for his gullet and the bottle still in my other hand I raised my right hand so my elbow could make impact his mouth. I missed. I felt the sharp familiar pain of a blow landing on the right side of my head. I held fast. In one barbaric motion I flogged the bottle in the direction of the punch and felt it crack as it made contact with his man’s shoulder. Two other or more of my friends took him down with some vicious kicks and punches.

They had just realised we were no longer three guys against the four of them. I saw Bob in midair as his head made contact with the other guy’s lips and jaw. I know he drew blood as they both crashed unto the table behind me.

I had grappled with my opponent as he grabbed my waist with both hands in an attempt to wrestle me to the ground. Stretching one leg behind me to balance myself and keep it beyond his reach, I elbowed his back. Realising that he had taken hold of my one leg, I crashed my elbow in the middle of his back as hard as I could again, in the bid to cause proper damage this time. He arched his back in pain and threw another punch as he rose quickly to full height, I jumped back to dodge the upper cut as it bruised my cheek right under my eye. It was very inconvenient throwing a punch in my position so as struck his face with a very fierce slap, it landed on his left eye. In one swooping motion, before he would hit me again, I followed it closely with a point blank clout. He was turning like he wanted to run seeing that he and his men might have been overpowered by mine before someone’s foot caught him smack in the side of his neck; He hit the ground and a feet landed on his chest and his sides.

One of his goons lost balance and struggled to catch the ground as someone swept his two feet of the ground with a calculated boot. By this time, everyone sitting around was standing; the bar had managed to empty half of its human content across the open culvert separating the road and the beer parlour.

Some friends of my friends proceeded to drag these guys outside towards the back road to further investigate the scuffle. These particular associates of mine were ones not to be fucked with and especially not now when alcohol was involved; these hoodlums are going to be very sorry for their guts. I briefly assessed my face in a side mirror, there was only a little cut from the broken glass.

We hung around for a while, paid for our drinks, as another friend arrived with three mobile policemen. It was almost time to head for the proposed occasion, we handed the boys over to them, Bob changed into his inner shirt because his shirt had blood on it then hit the road. It had been ages since we had adrenaline pumped in such a brash masculine way, besides during wild sex. It felt good.

Almost forgetting the incident early that evening, we had fun that night, more drinks and women.

31 comments:

Afrobabe said...

See clean young men fighting in a bar oh...

our future leaders, what happened to diplomatic talks??

cally-waffybabe said...

what a bunch of ragamuffins!!! lmao there's no dull moment with you my baroque.

muah

xxx

Baroque said...

@afrobabe, diplomatic talks ke? even present leaders fight in the House...anyway, we were where we knew no one...it was bound to happen

@callywaffy, i'm like Star (beer) yea, Never A Dull Moment...kisses

Tyger said...

angry fighting young men... particularly normally chilled clean ones is sooooooooo sexy!...lol...

how's your left chin?...

Baroque said...

@tyger, never been better, like nothing happened...i know how hard it can be for women to understand why violence must ensue at all even if we didn't start it...however, a lesson had to be taught & that was what we did...we're still sexy

Mrs Somebody said...

Barouque!!!!!How could you fight like that in a Bar?Now you've got me worried about your safety.

Baroque said...

fighting in a bar is quite different from beating someone in a bar...welcome back to my blog...nevermind, i dont feel any less safer then before

cally-waffybabe said...

don't allow anyone scar your handsome face o ah ah werin be all dis fight fight abeg???!!! if you scar your handsome face, i shall scar my own pretty face in retaliation!!!

Lighty said...

u've got to be kidding mi. i hateee fights. absolutely, totally cannot stand fights. at all. but i guess in this case it was unavoidable. either u fight or get a good ass wooping.

i guess it was happy ego day 4 u eyyy??? must av felt good giving the guys a good beating in their own territory, i swear they wuld neva forget it. their king of the jungle behavior wuld mos def mellow.

Jarrai said...

Lol......crouching tiger hidden dragon. God!!! all that testosterone being flung around...glad the party was great after that.

bumight said...

now you're fighting in the bar? i dont know again o *shaking head*

Baroque said...

@callywaffy, i'm not into masochism but your wanting to scar your lovely face in retaliation is giving me kicks...xo

@lighty, i knew you'd understand, sometimes a showdown is the only possble resolution. i dont like fights unless its evitable and a lesson is sure to be taught...nothing felt as good as that victory in his own backyard

@jarrai, we didnt originally intend to direct our testesterone in that direction but there's enough to go round. welcome to my blog.

@bumight, please try & know oh...afterall he asked for it & believe me, if it was when we were younger...t'wlda been a VERY different story

Jaja said...

You r lucky it wasnt me..
Beat wey I for beat you eh? you for forget the day your mama born you!

Another nice one. Fact or Fiction??

Baroque said...

the first man to comment on this post...believe me, you wish you were not against me on that particular day...btw, where have you been, Torondoro...wetin you call that place

guerreiranigeriana said...

first time here and wow!!!!...from title to finish, very interesting post...nice to know that men still fight with their bare hands and feet...honestly though, this your title almost killed me...crouching nigger hidden savage...hahaha...

Baroque said...

@guerreiranigeriana, ofcourse i copied&pasted that name, never even tried to pronounce it since i been seeing it...my dear, our bare hands are all we've got until the use of weapons is unevitable, which believe me, some of us are not unskilled at...i'm at your right now...lemme go read...thanks for the comments

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

na real portharcourt man you be oh...chai

ablackjamesbond said...

@afro...sometimes these things are inevitable...some pple thk becos u dey wear tie and they form burra say u no fit baraje when the need arises...i especially hate the guys on Lagos Island who try to extort money from pple when thy are leaving some of the joints in that neighborhood. Trust me, i go just warn them with my deep 'Makoko Ebute Metta' voice.

Baroque...great post as usual.

Afrobabe said...

lmao @ the fact that u copied guerreiranigeriana's name...see I have never tried pronouncing or spelling it either...next time just say Gnaija, she will know...


lmao @ ablackjamesbond ...your Makoko Ebute Metta voice...I would have laughed myself silly if I was with a guy whose voice suddenly changed that way...

cally-waffybabe said...

hi sweet...

Baroque said...

@Zephi, na real PH man i be oh...this na Niger Delta...if u no shine your eye, strong thing go do you...btw, is Zephi the plural of Zephus? :-)

@dblack007, thanks man...i no know say u dey pass this side oh...i believe you my broda, these guys gats be taught a lesson...in my deep voiced MakokoEbuteMetta accent, take one beer4my head naa

@afrobaby, the name long oh...Gnaija...very convenient...my dear, the split personality in naij is warranted, to be in touch your your street smart side...when e reach, rake them down make them know say you ne be moi moi

@efikurhobochic, yea baby? confirm your location

Tairebabs said...

Wow! What a fight!

Naija Idol said...

LMAO. where & when did this happen???. r u sure they didnt kick ur ass and ure telling us bout all these ur moves??? lol.jokes.

Baroque said...

@barr.tairebabs, yea, what a fight, reminded me of school days

@naijidol, abi na you send them boys? send the next set & see what happens...no guns, pls

NigerianDramaQueen said...

dang fighting in a bar? thats alot of drama. Makes an interesting read nonetheless...
*The unofficial okrika,LOL

Original Mgbeke said...

LMAO @ the title. Ruffians sha! Una just dey fight, throw punch and kick any and anyhow.
But y'all OWNED them boys sha!

Baroque said...

@NDQ,(unofficial okians),major drama, my dear. i know what you mean...if it were years ago, it would have been quite bloody...thanks for dropping by though

@theoriginalmgbeke (TOM), (SMILING) no be we be ruffians oh, but the punching & kicking felt good. them boys got what came upon them. thanks for dropping by. will be serving Tokyo Ice Tea, come with Mgbafor

guerreiranigeriana said...

i still laugh at this title when i see it...you should copyright it and use it later...the shit is hilarious...omo, come and update...i like reading you...been busy but i will come back and read all of you, although i may not comment...

...and i see that afrobabe has suggested gnaija...you may use it;)...as if you were asking...haha...

Mocha said...

That was too gangsta..talk about "Gangs of Naija"..lol!

The title to this post is all kinds of crazy!!

You try you try..

Baroque said...

@gnaija,i used2 confooz gnaija with dairy of a G...pls comment on whatever u read...there must be something you can say...xx

@mocha, my trying, na aspa the fight or the literature?...glad u like it

rethots said...

So fascinatingly narrated.

Is it possible to fight excellently with words? Pray tell....