Monday, 3 December 2007

Fall In, Walk Out Of Love

Even after we had taken a break from the relationship because of the swingeing way things had slowed down between us and the sudden way some deep things had seemed uncertain, we still saw each other regularly. She, I called Black and Cute, but you call Ebony, would occasionally come all the way from Calabar to Port Harcourt to do her stock broking deals, and see me too. We never slept in the same house and we were not having sex. The no sex part was especially because she was a good Christian girl and still unbroken and I was not going to defile that status. It seemed like a healthy relationship, although we did a bit of sneaking around, every so often getting physical at the slightest opening, but we had limits which were always silently reviewed and allowing us go a step further every other time.

There’s no one whose dreams have better aligned with mine. Ebony and I could talk about nothing, anything and everything; maybe not particularly share those secrets. We were as compatible as understanding as open as comfortable as in accord with each other. For her understanding, she earned my utmost respect.

On several of these visits, we would stay out and talk about everything, us and why we were so into each other and yet not with each other right now. We never exactly came to any conclusions. However, it was certain that if we were to get back together again it would be clearly heading for a connubial affair which I was not sure I was ready for, at that time. I had lost focus.

For the singular reason of this break, my status would not be wrongly described as single. I had however sunk into my regular randy steed-like self.

Without going into much detail, I had awkwardly become the only person I knew that did not have a steady girlfriend. After a period of ponderings and assessments, I decided I wanted to be in a relationship and Ebony best fit the profile. I picked up my phone and dialled her number off the top of my head. I had to make comeback moves. I cease the very next opportunity, Christmas, which was less than three weeks away, to be in Calabar.

I felt a kick in my bum as I lay on my hotel room floor; I was beginning a gradual ascent into the deeper cloudier bays of slumber. I turn around, awakened to find a set of sparkling white teeth somewhere on this black and cute recognizable face smiling at me. Rose up to a very warm tight hug and then she introduced me to her bosom friend, Goggles, about whom I had heard everything, spoken with on the phone, never seen a photo of and never met.

I had invited Ebony that afternoon the day after I got into town and had left the door open because there were a couple of my friends including guys and girls sprawled out on the floor likewise in the other two rooms on either side of mine. I and the rest of the entourage were all trying to sleep off the morning carnival stress and alcohol and catch some rest before the bash that evening.

She still had that legendary graceful smile on and I was getting jubilant as I pictured her as the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Everything was falling into place now. I was on the way into a relationship, just as I had planned.

After her friend had left us, we hugged again and I leaned forward to kiss her. She turned away in resistance, shaking her head like she was pleading not to be taken advantage of, she hugged me tightly instead. I had missed holding her. We talked and laughed about a few things, caught up on recent happenings, she apologised for not seeing me since I got into town and had to leave almost immediately to run an errand for her folks so we agreed to see the next day just before I leave town.

She was at work when I saw her the next morning, looking super; the time was nigh. It had come for me to say all that needed to be said. We talked outside her office holding hands, leaning on the car I came in. She pulled one of the rings I had on and was playing with it, she always did that, I took the ring from her and playfully slid the middle finger of her left hand through it acting like I was proposing marriage, she then asked me one of those her magical questions.

"Do you want to marry me?”
I smile with one side of my mouth and replied, “Yes, I want to marry you. Will you marry me?”
“Hmmm! You’re not joking, are you?” she enquired smiling too and looking me in the eye
“No, I’m not. I’ve never been more serious in my life” I said, sounding as earnest as I was “If you agree, I’m talking August next year”
Realising I was very serious, she looked down and back up at my face, asking, “Baroque, why are you doing this to me?”
“Doing what?”
“Speaking now, after such a long-time” she completed
“Long-time? Well, you never really are sure about these things but I might as well be now”
“That is what I’ve been trying to tell you”
“What?” I asked curiously
“You’re late” she said
“Late! How do you mean? Am I missing something somewhere?”
“I’m sort of seeing someone else and he wants to marry me”
“He wants to marry you, so? He’s not the only one that wants to marry you, is he?”
“The thing is, I’ve agreed already and we’re looking at the end of next year”
“You’re kidding me! Then, why don’t you have an engagement ring on? I queried
“I told him I wasn’t going to wear one until it was about two months to the time”
“If the reason was to keep your options open, then forget him and marry me”
“Baroque, it won’t work like that”

At this time I had just realised she was not joking. I took my glasses off, ran my palm tightly over my face cleaning my eyes with my thumb and index finger in an apparent bid to come to from this kick in the teeth.

“You are serious, right” I asked in dismay
“Why is that when you guys say you’re ready you want it almost immediately” she said
“Ebony, you and I have been through, wetin we dey wait again? Getting to this point is not as easy as launching a rocket” I asked convincingly
“Why now? I’ve been trying to tell you about what has been happening but you made me believe you were no longer interested in me and that I could go on and date someone else”
“I did? You’re not sure. Ok, so how come you’re going to marry this guy and I don’t know” I demand
“This guy was a friend and we had been seeing each other on and offish” she informed me
“And one day he asked you to marry him and you agreed, just like that. Is he in Calabar here?” I ask again
“It wasn’t just like that, and no he doesn’t live in Calabar” she said.
“And you just stopped loving me?” I asked like I was not shopping for pity.


“I need to be getting back into the office” she said, breaking the stillness

Exhaling, I heave a huge sigh although it doesn’t quite relieve me of the immensity of this realisation of the consequence of my delay. “Ok” I say, closing and opening my eyes slowly.

“I’ll call you later. Have a safe trip”

I watched her walk away, back into her office. I knew that was not the end of the issue. I got in the car and drove out of town, leading the convoy of three cars en route Port Harcourt, blaring loud music, enjoying the recent launch of Tu Face’s Grass to Grace Album.

Omo’s fiancĂ©e was seeing Ebony for the second time that morning after meeting her at our hotel the previous day and I did not hear the last of how she had never seen a better woman for me. Omo was my best pal, and we talked all the way about what had just transpired. He didn’t make me feel better either, telling me how I had just sat there, thought for too long, and missed what would have been the end of my protracted soul mate search.

I was saying to myself about how in love we seemed to have been until this very moment. She would not joke about a thing like this even if she was smiling all along. She always smiled. We warmed our ways into each other’s hearts and fell deep in love, now she’s walked out but I think she’s looking back.

On second thoughts I’m letting this one go without a fight, or will I?


Tyger said...

ahw dude!
you are just slow like the rest of you lot!
wat you gonna do now?...


console yourself and move on... in the awareness that you have lost something truelly beautiful?... or buckle down and fight for it?....

I should tell you a story about buckling down to something... but i refuse to blog

Diane said...

Dude...if you walk away without some kind of fight eh, you will reest of ur life. She might have doubts, albeit you wasted so much time but I'm telling you if in your heart of hearts you feel the both of you are meant to be then get on your knees and ask Baba God to intervene...I'll be praying for you too.....

Isi said...

oh baroque, this is so sweet...yet so sad. if u really want her, i guess u still have 365+ days to prove to her u are the one for her. but i have never been one to support 'fighting' over a man or woman...but then again, it all depends on how u feel deep inside ur heart.
if u have to spend mad months trying to convine her to marry u instead, then i think it wont be worth it. after meeting up with her a few more times, she should be able to make up her mind, after all u didnt just drop from space nah, u guys have a history together, right?
but be free dear. am sure what ever u think she's got that's made u all softie (isn't it sweet to see guys feel this way? hehehe), some other girl- somewhere has got loads of it too!
...and like they say, u may not need to look too far.

Zephi said...

thats quite sad, looks like you lost a good one..

take heart..
you will find someone else, i hope

Lighty said...

Now tell me baroque, why do you guys do this to urselves and us women? you see a good woman and you think because she's a good woman and u connect well, she'll always be there?

well you dont know wot u've got till it's gone. in this case it'll hurt more, because you know wot u wuld have had and it just might slip away from ur fingers.

first it was ur fault for not saying nothing. now you want it, causing her to be in a painful dilemma and giving the other guy grieve. that aint fair, hell! it aint right?

if you think that other guy is gonna let u av it easy, think again mate. at the end of the day, it all falls on Ebony. just imagine, on Ebony, automatically u're forcing her to break a heart on the long run. be it ur's or the other guy's.

if there's any justice, the broken heart would be better off being yours cause all this is ur fault be the way.

at the end of the day. wot will be will be. if ebony's ur's u'll have her.
and some1 has to die for a child to be born anyway. so if u're causing pain for the other guy to gain ur eternal happiness. such is life.

its obvious am not happy with u @ this point.
silly u left the issue for too long. why?
plus u're gonna make Ebony have sleepless nights with tears in her eyse. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Baroque, but why????

Mrs Somebody said...


Jaja said...

Is it that we see the opportunity only when it is gone...?

Is it the possibility of total loss that charms us or do we truly want theses things we claim we want...

I will be back on this one...

Bold and Beautiful said...

Aaaaaaaaw ...i sense the chick still likes u.Just push a lil harder....i have a good feeling abt

Baroque said...

@tyger, common girl, it really has nothing to do with being slow, the word is procrastination...still wondering if i'm gonna be doin any fighting...this was last xmas...ok...tell me that story about buckling down

@Diane, i have to say that i am 'heartfully' grateful for your prayers...i told Baba God but i'm not sure i could wait for much longer for a clear answer...i had to move

@isi dearie, i'm sure you know i feel this thing really deep...& like you said i'm not going to drag it for too this point i'm hoping that i wont look too eyes hurt already...tanx love

@zephi, you feel me huh...i hope i find that someone else...& soon too

@lighty, abeg take am easy on me naa...i feel bad enough already...however, i'll do a follow up on the story & let you know what i found out

@mrs, somebody, ??????????????????

@Jaja, yes, it is as puzzling as that

@bold&beautiful, i have a good feeling about her but looks like we'll let this one pass

...make una take one one beer for my head...i love y'all

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

next time, you will take the jump and quickly.

Isi said...

so has it been?

kokolette said...

Hmmm... Its all your fault!
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but it must have and prolly is still tough for her. She was in love with you too but you were not giving her anything to hold on to. If you get her back...deep in your heart...will you be able to love her and keep her? Or do you just want her back for your ego. If you're not sure you are ready to give her your best, pls let go...and you will find someone else when you are ready...good luck! My heart goes out to you :(

cally-waffybabe said...

Just to wish you a lovely xmas and and new year in advance dude. I hope you have a swell time and may all your dreams be fulfilled.


Baroque said...

@catwalq, yea, next time i will.

@isi, i'm not sure how it has been but work has been killing me, i'm now at an out of town location without internet access. God help me

@kokolette, my kokolette, no be like that naa...but you yarn well...i think i'll let her go...the only thing that's annoying about it is that I know the guy

@myCWB, same to you love...see you in i bet that caught your interest...LOL

badderchic said...

awwwwwww men!

this had me on the edge of ma seat
my opinion?
it aint ova till d fat lady drops dead.

happy holidays

Baroque said...

@badrchik, thanx a mill...i know...but it seems like the fat lady is dead! when i confirm, i'll let y'all know

cally-waffybabe said...

Dude, yes that caught my interest o. Who told you i'd be in Calabar this xmas?! Ehn??? Hmmm i suspect a certain naughty mr jaja...

cally-waffybabe said...

@ jaja: Where have you been? Did you get my offline message? You too gbadun jare...

badderchic said...

Aint u ever heard the sayin...never say never?

Just incase sha, i have this 27 year old cousin im trying to marry off, she need am...anybody interested? i could send u the poster and handbill lol!

enjoi o my broda, bad as e bad reach.

@ cwb, me i miss u o!

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

okay, se u know that it is close to the end of December sha?
just checking

Isi said...

have a lovely xmas B. i wish u all the best in the coming year. holla when u can.
take care!

rethots said...

Hmmm, interesting. You should read Very interesting post, you sure write well.

Tisha said...

look for another chic
be happy for this other chic
if only for the times
you had together

CaramelD said...

Ouch, that hurts.