Friday, 20 June 2008

All Eyes On Him

He can feel the eyes peering into his back, slightly prodding his nape to keep looking forward, chin up, don’t swing your arm like a girl, stop raising your chest like a bouncer and for goodness sakes don’t trip over a stone or walk into a lamppost.

He always dressed up for not only the ladies but the guys too, it had to be said or thought by all and sundry that he looked good, better still smelt nice too.

He could tuck in his shirt a gazillion times within the 8 working hours of the day, or for as long as he had to have it on. At age 10, in elementary school, he won the award for the tidiest boy, he would always, undo his belt to tuck his shirt in properly, even on the corridors, it was a helpless ritual. Thanks to his mum, it has followed him to today. He would excuse himself to use the bathroom because he wanted to be sure he was in order, and couldn’t understand why guys would not notice that their shirts were jumping out. For the records, he hates to wear shirts that have to be tucked in for the above reasons. Secondly that he’s not particularly a slim person, a slightly thickset lower abdomen and a very fleshy bum *yea very grabable*.

He would look at every mirror he walked past, clear image or not, anything that would show a recognisable reflection, even his phone. He can be unbelievably vain. Some women cannot compare to him, not even with number of perfume bottles owned. He brushes his eye brows too. He can't totally be blamed, he’s good looking and people confirm it almost on a daily, even guys. He admits compliments massage his ego and he loves it, that’s why he wouldn’t want to let anyone down.

If there was time, he would ensure that he knew exactly what he was going to wear to whatever occasion. He tries to be careful. With other things, he could be said to be suffering from that kind of OCD, just like Beckham.

In spite of all this, he loves wearing t-shirt and jeans with slippers *not flip-flops please*, palm slippers, thank you. He selects undees that have waist bands that make statements. His painstaking selection makes regular clothes look like a million bucks. He makes NEXT look like Ted Baker, or so he would love to think. He’s not rich or so much of a spend thrift but he’ll pay for it he wants it dearly, of course the Jaegers and Ralph Laurents are reserved for those occasions. He can’t afford to look like everyday.

He has only just recognised that the entire world was not out with binoculars like it was the Ascot Racing, watching his every step on the streets, maybe indoors, yes. It has occurred to him that he’s just a guy with regular clean clothes like the rest of the world. His jeans are shredded at the bottom and scrapes the ground on which he walks, one other has a gash somewhere.

Yesterday to prove to himself he stopped in the middle of Oxford Street and pulled at his crutch to adjust his underpants that had gotten twisted his pubic hair and was causing discomfort. However, he would rather die than try that anywhere in his home country, least of all, city centre. He strives for sophistication amidst his spontaneity, even speaks of himself in third person.

56 comments:

ablackjamesbond said...

And they said i was vain!

ablackjamesbond said...

1st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol!

Baroque said...

@ablack007, did i mention, this post was inspired by your Tolotolo Nyanga post...&yes, you are vain.LOL

ablackjamesbond said...

God pass u o...but i know u were describing u in this post and not me. Yeye boy, whey my beer?

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

hahha..you sure say you no be my cousin? and you are a PH boy..jesu.let me reread all your post and make correlations..lol
anyways..I always admired this particular cousin of mine for his painstaking neatness and the way he presents himself..with that being said..
I fing very neat, well dresseed guys sexy..even boderline OCD is fine with me..i guess its because i am like that too

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

ohh a guy with a grabable ass is a plus..I grab my bf's ass everytime.at first he was like uh uh..now i think he likes it...lol

Baroque said...

@black007, i no follow God quarrel oh, no jam our head abeg...meanwhile, your beer dey chill for inside cooler, make i enter naija back first.

@zephi, please oh, i no be your cousin, i cant be cousins with all the correct babes, i have enough correct babe cousins...in recent times i try to be carefree, somehowish, so i don't pop a nerve...&off the records, the ass i quite a handful, take it from me

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Baroque your tooo funny!!!Nothing do you!

guerreiranigeriana said...

...see this vain boy ehn...it no be small o, this your vanity...when did you say your birthday was?...puts some of your other posts in perspective;)...

Afrobabe said...

lmao...hmmmm Baroque vain...In all my imaginations I never imagined you as someone who would care much about how he looks...

yeah...london does bring out the razz in ppl...

Baroque said...

@NDQ, you know like that abi? *winks* thanks

@gnaija, my other posts in perspective? anyway, as per my bday, you might want to check my January, Another List post, if it says what you want

@afrobabe, me? i'm naturally razz but i care how i look oh (& more)...well in jand, no body cares, so you can almost do anything, anyhow

Lighty said...

*vain sonofabitch* lololololoolol.

hey i asked u a question. wot happened?

u're the first person i know to make mention of jaegers. i always thot the love was established only in my head.

so u're swave? good my kind of person. this wuld only but make it sweeter. wink*
LOL.

ahhhhhhhhhh u stopped to pull a weggy? haaaaaaaaaa nooooo. lol. pig. lol.

apart from that. u're on point bro, thatz the spirit. i looooooooooooooove to look fresh errrtime.

Baroque said...

@lightyswthrt, suave, yea, blandly urbane sounds nicer...yea, Jaeger, ya know, you feel me, we, of one kind *winks back*...my love, i had to pull that weggie, the thing was worrying me...i'm getting excited now it looks sweeter...what was that question again?

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

i asked u when u were leaving.

BlogVille Idol said...

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Allied said...

Lol... OGA oh, i did not know this Vain syndrome is just as bad in guys...

Do you make your bed when you get up?

Why do i ask?

That is when i can really say a guy is neat.

It is also a sexy trait.

Smaragd said...

Baroque, u are vainer than black007! (how do i know abi?lol)

this is def about u! i knew it was u from the "grabbable ass" part.

lmao @ "boxers twisted in pubic hair and causing discomfort"

Oluwadee ( a fellow blogger) just gave us tips on how to live with guys like u in her latest post.

Jaycee said...

And I'm guessing that would be YOU?

LOLLLLL...

I love tidy guys, especially when they dress really well. Kudos jare!!! It's normal not to do what u did on Oxford street in ur own Country. Ahhh, u no wan try dat!

Jarrai said...

Vanity...mehn..you gots it bad...lol lol. Funny post...made me chuckle to my self, so guys do this too...looking at mirrors and checking themselves out...LOL LOL..

Embrace it bro...there is nothing like a foineeee man dressed to kill...me like. However, the mirror checking out situation gots to stop..ok maybe just hide it a little, thats for us girls!!

Zena said...

This definitely sounds like you,no ifs, ands or buts about it,

Tyger said...

my blog love...

always knew we had something in common... vain morrafucker... lmao... adjusting things in public..lmao... reply my mail and stop messing around...

AlooFar said...

Damn! You're funny.

Queen of My Castle said...

I am a sucker for well dressed and groomed men, and for the record, D&G Light Blue is the ish. I wear it in the summer, the women's version of course. What is it with you PH men? The one that I am sorta kinda dating LOVES clothes and shops more than I do! LOL.

Oh yeah...I call them slippers as well. I hate the term flip flops. LOL.

Jaja said...

I always knew it! something have SPOIL in your brain. just like my sentence.

Your vanity sef go make Lucifer know say nothing him sabi..

U dey pack ur something for oxford street.

Baroque said...

@lighty, i de waka before d weekend

@allied, yes oh, we’ve got it bad too...& the bed making is automatic, the moment I’m sure I’m up; might I add, if you must sit on my bed, please re-do it the moment you get up…am I still sexy

@smaragd, u knew it was me from the grabable part, am I missing something somewhere? I need to go check Olwadee’s post

@jaycee, ahhh, you know naa, I cant try that move in naija, am I mad?

@jarrai, LOL, abeg pray for me oh, but ‘ve got 2 big mirrors in my house...HELP...foineeee??? meaning?

@zena, which kind attack be that na?

@tygy baby, blog gurlfy, that is dodging, I told you I was good for you...I’m doing that reply soonest

@alooFar, *smiles*

@QOMC, I got that fragrance two months ago & it is almost better than you say, although it is yet to guarantee me a shag LOL...it’s a Niger Delta thing my sweet, we’re just correct people wey like better things, your man own fit be over-holding wey dey worry am…flip flops are for flogging children...PS: e get as your smile dey do me

@jaja, you always knew what, e be like say your brain dey shake...ol boy, I had to rearrange that thing right in the middle of the street, better safe than sorry

Funms said...

vanity upon vanity..........lmao
.... and they say women are more obsessed with themselves

Jarrai said...

I mean criss...looking good. You can't have all that gear and be looking razz!!!!
Look at you fishing for compliments...ok, i'll say it. You are FLY :)

Baroque said...

@jarrai, i kiss you all over...

@funms, dont see this as an opportunity to exonerate women, they still all are

Jarrai said...

Hey can you help a sister out...technical issue. How do i get that "thing" where i can see when people have updated...its really cool. Thanks in advance..

Free-flowing Florida said...

i feel so sorry 4 dis dude. i might need therapy @ some time n his life. damn, it's really sad.

Free-flowing Florida said...

@ zephi: u like grabable ass? hmm. am quite d opposite. d flatter, d better.

Jarrai said...

LMAO...BIG FLIRT...just because i called you fly....what if i came with the big guns...heheheheh :)

BTW...have fixed technical issue..

Baroque said...

@jarrai, go to Customise, then click on the Page Element thing (Add New Page Element), its a new one called Blog List (i think), then your wahala starts, one by one, you start adding you fav blogs + URL...lemme know how it goes

@tyger, this bloody system has refused to open Yahoo mail, only official mail...i shall have to this morning

@fff, i think so too...but Beckham no go therapy; abi this guy need to dey famous? *smiles*

Original Mgbeke said...

Which kain bobo be this na? I no do o! besides I no like men with big nyash....

Charizard said...

this is jus the father and mother of vainess mehn...

buh in a way I feel the guys class o ahnahn

even though he takes it too far the guy get ma vote...honestly

Baroque said...

make una see me trouble oh @jarrai, i dey appreciate your compliment na im you dey enter me like that, infact i don withdraw the kisses, & i have forwarded them to Zephi...

@mgbekeorigenul, wither the beef na? is it that you dont like feeling inadequate esp by guys or na size of 'molar' you dey interested in?

@charizard, nice one, your vote. i'll pass it on.

Baroque said...

...for the records, if you meet this guy you'll probably notice nothing, not even his quick mirror glances. he's very down to earth, intelligent and sweet. his smartness and humour aids the carriage of his vain moments. however, you'll notice it if you're observant and of course, if you ever get to his house...

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OluwaDee said...

hahaha!
U r not vain jor, u r just prim & proper.

Don't even say you r not the guy in this post.

Standtall said...

Where was the comment I thot I had left since 20 yrs ago? Update o

SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE said...

Damn!! i'm d last, oh well. A guy who dresses well and smells awesome has got me all piped up. I also av a tin for guys with asses I can grab, its........spanky nice to hold on...LOL!!! Thanks for stopping by and psst....d alter is a naughty she devil. Mwah!!

Mommy said...

mmmmm...D&G Light Blue...'zexy'

You did WHAT...WHERE...these London people sef!!

Afrobabe said...

All eyes are no longer on u...oya update this joint!!!

cally-waffybabe said...

hola...

dat one okrika girl...xyz said...

*coughs* umm just wondering if its possible to see a pic of that fleshy bum. *coughs* its for my sister.

Baroque said...

@oluwadee, abeg joo, thank you...the posh, prim & properness is what i've been trying to explain...dem no gree understand

@standtall, that your comment expired after the 15th year...updating soon

@som1elseslyf, you know when you're grabbing the ass & the guy's pumping like mad, making that smacking sound...GOSH

@mommy, killer fragrance...yes, oh, i did, i had to

@afrojigi, even if, i know your eyes are still on me...mwuah...i go soon update...hopefully

@cwb, holla bak :-) how u dey? u bak?

@okrika gurl, even if its for your grandmother; if you see it, then you must be 'done'

Standtall said...

okay o

Jaja said...

Ok it have do.. Update na... Mr vanity Fair!

Smaragd said...

*shaking big grabbable ass in rhythm and chanting* "UPDATE, UPDATE. UPDATE!"

oya mr. vain-fine-boy-with-yansh.

Jarrai said...

update now monsieur!!!!

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Queen of My Castle said...

Hola Senor Hermoso (Hello Handsome Mister),

Should we look forward to a new post soon? I hope so.

archiwiz said...

Grabbable ass? Hmmmmmmm.....I hven't tested it yet so I can't believe you...LOL...ok whatever you say.

Ewww....adjustment in public??? Ewwwwwww....

miz-cynic said...

Grabbing wt wen ur gbenshin...dats not my theory o.dy say slim,almost thn guys with flat asses can te kan le beta.no b me talk am o.n i hv a feeln u undastnd yoruba.so no translations thr.thou me i like a lil bit of flesh i can grab in public.