Friday, 22 August 2008

Closed Chapter

It has been quite a challenge for me to get back where I was with you
Your attitude triggered me to loose patience and it is all gone now
I solicit within, pondering if you really knew what it was I felt for you
The actuality that it was not reciprocal cannot be over-emphasized

I was open with my thoughts and feelings and it only caused me hurt
I allowed it because there is no self-defence when it comes to love
You broke me; you made me feel like shit, utterly wasted
I could not concentrate on anything anymore besides loosing weight

I keep asking myself what went wrong. Was it me, was it you or us both?
Was I too much in a hurry? Maybe I rushed you
Maybe you really did not want me but was only giving it a chance
But that chance I never got because you only had to be understood

You never believed in the success of this association
It could not be me because you alone decided I was not good enough for you
Maybe not prim or proper enough to want to join the upper class struggle
I could not give you the value of love you wanted, least of all, la vie

Maybe I cut your air supply and you thus snuffed out your ability to call for space
I was in your face with insinuations of nuptials and it was too much for you
You were wrong in many more ways than I am willing to say
Let it not be my pride speaking, so I accept my faults and retain my sanity

I was in love with you and it was all about you, I forgot about me
But now I have picked myself up and I am stronger

Yours is a chapter I have closed and shall endeavour to not remember

48 comments:

Shubby Doo said...

1st...afro where u dey?

Shubby Doo said...

This i lovely B...think i noticed a typo sha. But i hope u r not talking of pearly whites from 'i'm slipping' else i will hunt her heart breaking behind down...how dare she afterall my cheering 4 u guys...i really hope that is not the case...but if not her then who?...who dares breaks Baroque's heart?! As one door closes, dearest B, another opens. U weren't meant 4 her.

bumight said...

someone has done you strong thing shey?

ibiluv said...

3rd........not bad........

serious????

awwwwwwwwwwwwww

pele it happens to the best of us..........(even the worst)....

this too shall pass...........

it alwayz gets berra with the next person.......(this one no be ya own!!!!!!!!)

Free-flowing Florida said...

wow!

10 months ago, i was singing dis exact song!!!!!!!

Afrobabe said...

Awwwwwwwwwww Baroque dear which babe broke ur heart? does she not know there is a place you mean a lot more than silver and gold?

Its good to see guys feel ths way too...

errrmmm back to consoling you...

Somehow I am glad you are single again so I dont feel so guilty lusting after you....

I am in need of a distraction...I need a naija big thing...come lets make our sorrows go away...

No doing oh..I am still in abstinance...

FineBoy Agbero said...

Na wa o!
Wetin dey happen to evrybodi?
Broken hearts evrywhere...

Pele, dear... be strong...

No. 6 sha! men, i don dey try o!

Jaja said...

Dear Baroque,
There is something very raw and painful about this.

I dont like it.

Ms. Catwalq said...

Everything good shall come....

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

this love is serious ohh. well we live, we learn, we grow, we pick ourselves up and we move on.

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

this love is serious ohh. well we live, we learn, we grow, we pick ourselves up and we move on.

OluwaDee said...

"there is no self-defense when it comes to love".

This is true.
Thats why we must choose carefully the ones we love.

"I have picked myself up and I am stronger"

Thats d right attitude.

Naija Idol said...

awwwww. Baroque!!! Blogvilles hunk!!
Its gud to know u have emotions too but its sad to know u r hurting.


*singing*.
Where do broken hearts go... do
they find their way home.....

we both might know where home is *wink*

Baroque said...

@shoobydu...y u no go see typo, i had barely re-read what i posted, i saw 1 comment...STALKER...its not pearly whites, its pre-pearly white...thanks for looking out for me...much love sugar

@bumight, this long thing was not a strong thing...fuckeries!

@ibiluv, you know you yarn sense?...it definitely gets better with the next person

@fff, so i say congrats to you...you know we get yarns

@afrojigi, yea guys are human too...my dear, dont feel guilty, its only me...tell me about this naija big thing u seek...we can make our sorrows go away but we must do *winks*

@fineboy agbero, hearts have to be made stronger, its only a process man...thanks for popping in

@jaja, i know...its painful...but it had to be said...i'm good though...how gidiz?

@catwalq, AMEN!!!...been a while, where you been?

@mylighty273%, you can say that again pretty pebbles

@oluwadee, i agree, we must choose carefully...& yea, i have to be strong, for me...how the going?

@naijaidol, i have feelings but i hurt no longer...where might home be? *winks back*

geisha.song. said...

how does one call for space when they know the call alone would hurt the other person?
it's like, why did u get into this if u weren't in it 100%... but people rarely ever get into rships feeling crazy in love.
but in the end its always the fault of the person that didnt grow at the same pace...

i'm sorry, this is about u.
i hope you don't grow jaded
and can learn to love again. completely.
giving all of you
with no thut to self defense.

Standtall said...

Pls dont tell me this really happened. You are just being poetic abi? If it happened for real, did u give her this peom to read?

Tairebabs said...

I have been here and felt exactly like this. It's definately not the prettiest feeling in the world but the feeling does pass, the experience makes us so much wiser and a lot more concerned about us.

I love your words in this post.My favourite line:

"Yours is a chapter I have closed and shall endeavour to not remember"

Tyger said...

*grumbling* i am just seeing this now!

and i almost ran to the phone to call someone who could have written this about me...

On behalf of those of us who choke at the sound of nuptials i say i am sorry...

you can only get stronger man mi...

waiting for your buzz

Mz. Dee said...

first tym here.. why didnt i find ur blog earlier?

loved dis.

Mz. Dee said...

part of me wishes i had the strength to do dis.

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

baroque, I have never imagined you as one to be heart broken or hurt..
we see different sides everyday yeah..very transperent

Naapali said...

To be read whilst listening to TLC's 'Unpretty'.

Afrobabe said...

The big things I seek??? I would have tot that was known by all of blogsville by now...lol..

Come and take my sorrow away oh.....oh shit, I just remembered I started abstinance...How come I always forget when I come this way???

Baroque said...

@geishasong, I agree, but I think one can get in a rel feeling crazy in love...& no, I didn’t get jaded, Praise GOD

@standtall, no, I didn’t give it to her to read, truth is, this is an amplified version of a text message that has been on my phone for months now, one I never sent

@tairebabs, yes oh, that chapter needs to be forgotten...since it didnt kill us, it has made us stronger & wiser

@tyger, BUZZ! BUZZ! you heartbreaker...hope you don’t choke yourself to death

@mz.dee, strength to do what? & why do I think I’ve seen you here before

@zephicentigrade, yes oh, I’m human, & can be saddened too with grief and disappointment

@naapali, wassup doc, have you found the CD?...& why ‘Unpretty’, i'd prefer ‘Love Is A Losing Game’

Jarrai said...

I got goosebumps and not the good kind reading this.....love is a losing game (according to miss winehouse)...there really are no winners when it comes to matters of the heart.

Sometimes its very painful....its her loss, she has lost a good man.

"I was in love with you and it was all about you, I forgot about me
But now I have picked myself up and I am stronger"....

very poignant.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Baroque,
Thank you for letting us see the other you. The you that can hurt and love and heal. I just fell in love with you more...
As for the closed chapter: she makes the book of your life more genuine.
Heck, i'll be your re-bound baby!LOL

dat one okrika girl...xyz said...

Baroque your writing na wa o. It made me want to cry, then slash someones tires all at the same time.

I got scared o, i taught the voodoo had been halted by your current sweety, glad to her it was in your past.

Esmeralda said...

Baby love (cheesy eh?lol), it's always easier to say this to the party that's ur friend, "it's her loss", she's not only missed out on a fine boy-cute butt-i know my perfumes-can cook as well, she's missed out on a deep, sensitive guy with a great sense of humor! (at least from what i've garnered from blogsville).

good thing it's pre-pearly whites, cuz now there's pearly whites to comfort u, treat her right okay?

Rita Esuru Okoroafor said...

Its not easy to open a closed chapter...

The good thing is you are stronger and would probably not treat someone else the way you were treated.

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

I had to do a double take

check your gender a few times over

and not because men rarely confess to having a heartbreak

but that finally I have met a man who is willing to embrace weightwatchers lol

Baroque said...

@jarrai, love really is a losing game...but we need not be on the losing side of this love..thanks

@NDQ, the book doesn’t get any more real than this...& I’m seriously considering your rebound position...you just might do alright...*bites lower lips*

@dat1okrikagurl, please don’t cry, you’re so sweet...twas in my not so far past but I’m so cool right now

@esmeralda, ma baby, you have in so much time gathered enough to have portrayed me so well, I think pearly white is in good hands...*winks*

@REO, there are no such intentions of opening this closed chapter, & no, I wont treat anyone this way, thanks...*smiles*

@missdefmaybe, LOL@embrace weightwatchers...i think some of the weight loss was from the emotional depression more than my irregular gym trips (not so irregular sha)

Jaycee said...

Oh my goodness...

My heart broke as I read this...

ablackjamesbond said...

'But now I have picked myself up and I am stronger'

O je bi...I kid! lol

Strong man...some pple spend a lifetime healing from a broken heart...welldone for picking urself up again...

...bros...how many days between this heart break and 'I'm slipping'?

Afrobabe said...

How are u doing lover???

kmplx said...

felt your pain, been there and all that. can only say once you get past it (if you aren't already), it is sweeeeeeeeeet!
loved the rawness.

Queen of My Castle said...

Where are you, my handsome PH mister?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Hey Baby,
I'm giving you a tighter hug and throwing in a kiss
Bisous..xxx

Baroque said...

@jaycee, hey, its ok now..thanks

@black007, my broda, i cant keep hurting, no point dwelling on it...& how many days shall be answered privately...holla

@afrobaby, just missing you, thats all...but i'll be fine in a lil while, right? *winks*

@knplx, never seen you b4, welcome here...& me putting it like this is kinda understated

@QOMyC, i'm here oh, busy thinking too much about my next move

@NDQ, i feel you babe...this rebound thing must work oh.LOL. kisses

Mz. Dee said...

@Baroque: strength to close a particularly tough chapter.

Waffarian said...

Live your life without hurt and pain. Live your life without confusing emotions and sleepless nights. Live your life without always trying to prove your love...live your life, my brother.

Close the damn chapter, air tight.

Shubby Doo said...

Hey B, this is your 3rd profile pic today abi?...i did like the merc... but maybe then i thought it was 2 shallow for u...

strangely i like the green template...hmmm

update pls!

bArOquE said...

@mz.dee...the chapter is closed, by fire by force

@waffarian, air tight baby...thanks a lot, i appreciate your encouragement...

@shubbydoo, how come u noticed? stalker of the year...updating soon

Afrobabe said...

oya update....any new babe???

Shubby Doo said...

@baroque - lol...just yours baby boo ;-)...you are gifted!

OluwaDee said...

Didn't read the post.

Just wanted to thank you for the support n for always stopping by my blog.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...hmmmnnn...this brought back memories i wished to keep nicely packaged and hidden far away...very um...how to say?...don't want to sound cliche...hmmmnn...twas raw...you conveyed the emotion well...how's that?...sorry o...sorry you had to feel that way...hoping you have picked up the pieces and moved along...

bumtight said...

i just read on standtall's that u have a dog! I'm totally in love!!

miz-cynic said...

whenn my turn came, my bro wu is very fond of bragging to his friends how hard i am.....was shocked...i waws in love men!unfortunately with one of those friends .thank god its over