Friday, 12 December 2008

Rantings IV

Who the hell are these guys on radio, (Rhythm 93.7FM) that probably entered airplanes for the first times in their lives when they started working yet speak with accents that have no roots? The collective enunciation bears a semblance with a crossbreed of Mauritania and Afghanistan? Do they think they are Americans because overnight they learnt how to use the word, “holla” in a sentence?

Z

What is the justification for driving like a senseless bastard, breaking traffic laws and running other drivers off the road, simply because you have Army officers as passengers?

Z

Why can’t NEPA understand that after a hard-day’s work, we want to come back home and just chill? Sometimes, do nothing fantastic but utilize the simple basic appliances we own, such as our whirlpool bathtubs, washing machines, massage chairs, oops sorry for the mix up, I mean, televisions, air conditioners, and electric kettles.etc. For as long as I can remember, I have not been able to understand why we have power outages in NIGERIA, (Giant of Africa, my ass). It kills me every single time the light goes out. Why the hell did they just take the light. Is this a zoo?

Z

When is the Rivers State Government going to rid our streets of these damn beggars, especially the ones that assault we drivers with pictures of old sores/fresh looking wounds or most times the actual patients displaying their decayed/decaying sores embalmed with gentian violet?

Z

Why do these people that think because they call me Sir, they can just wake up one day and relay their problems to me in search of financial solutions. Strangers, as far as I am concerned, whose surnames I can’t know or even bother to. Call me mean but when I don’t have, I DON’T HAVE.

Right now, I’m not particularly excited about anything, so I will pause here. To be continued shortly.

94 comments:

Queen of My Castle said...

Does someone need a hug?

I died laughing at the term 'holla' that is too funny, and the whole display of sores/wounds made my flesh crawl. I could never be a doctor.

How you dey?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Baroque you are too freaking funny! Your sarcasm never fails to make me laugh. Lol@ the accents being a cross between afghani and mauritanian accents. As for NEPA there is no answer for that one...they better behave themselves when i come home.
Dang, you and thse beggers eh...where's the love?!!

Shubby Doo said...

baroque you are a hoot…your hysteria is hysterical …

‘…rid our streets of these dam beggars…displaying their decayed/decaying sores embalmed with gentian violet…’

‘why do these people think they can call you sir, they can just wake up…and relay their problems to me in search of financial solutions…but when I don’t have. I don’t have’

Don’t yah just luv the needy!!! ;-)

Holla!!!... *runs for her life b4 baroque catches her*…LMAO…

p.s
NEPA/PHCN are just bastards, plain and simple.

bArOquE said...

my loving Queen, that hug would do fine...i'm tired & hungry...getting off work now...all roads lead to Jevinik

@NDQ, rebound mi, which love be that, when these people will not let the son of man concentrate in traffic...forget NEPA, just buy diesel/petrol & listen to Rhythm 93.7

@scooby my darlin, needy ko! i have rights too, dont i?...the 'holla' aint the problem, its just the ambiguity of the accents

geisha.song. said...

@rhythm dj's: i KNOW, right! i mean, it'd be a different thing altogether if they actually got the accents right.
@those useless non-people: dont even get me started. idiats, the lot of them.
@electricity: a conspiracy theory is that the 'powers' are holding back supply because they control diesel supply, which makes them more money than they could ever replicate legally.
@rivers and beggars: no words. none. zip. and not just cuz i know nothing about rivers state beggars.
@last bit: they call u sir to soften your kind ears to their sincere pleas. maybe they should try other words..

NoLimit said...

Lol!!! You’re the second person complaining about the (93.75 again!!!) presenters on blogville…I look forward to calling them to just yarn my piece of mind!!!...And I will say it in pidgin English lol…
Apparently management cares less about delivery…otherwise they should have sent them on training since yesterday…that is if they are malleable enuff to be thought!
Hmmm sorry ehn! I pray for your sake that NEPA/PHCN will not take the light o this evening o! (tall dream…no?)

rethots said...

Hmmm, unfortunately, people ascribe depth to radio (television by association) presenters 'cos they are on air. Not so, no not all of them have depth; why, they seemingly speak English and we hear jargons (oops, crossbreds).

People believe everyone is moved (oops, gullible) by the 'title' sir.

Not to worry, time......

Rita said...

What will it take to excite you now?

Allied said...

Re (Rhythm 93.7FM) – Lol @ the crossbreed of Mauritania and Afghanistan accent. It is sad that we think we need an accent to look posh and cool. I am sure they think that is what the audience wants to hear.
Re Senseless driving – That is all they know how to do? Drive! Lawless Citizens
Re NEPA – If one is an animal, you must expect him to see his home as a forest. NEPA officials are animals. Why won’t they see the country as their Zoo? Foolish people
RE Beggars – Nothing to say – but seeing ones makes me realize how lucky I
Baroque, I am giving you a hug... Oya come closer

badderchic said...

Yo Yo Yo

why you be beefing those on air perrsonalities as in they are so hot! (Paris Hilton)

okay Nepa,
I cant remember them not taking light soooo but really it is pissing...arrgh!

decayed/ delapitated organs

I wish I could shoot each one of em unfair modafokas, what really are they doing about that stuff

your hug?
you know you will faint if I hugged you.

asper our previous yarns?

Ive just recieved a phonecall, I was accused of prostitution, Baroque I dont like it o! direct all 'threats' to my inbox so I can 'treat' your fork up well.

as in man to man... sorry woman.

Zena said...

Three words,

THAT IS NIGERIA.

Why are you surprised? I said I came to visit in '04, my friends who haven't left Nigeria had cockney accents for Heavens sake.

Tyger said...

baby,

you are really cranky....

come let me hold you just a bit

you are right on all counts though... the same things seem to get us

Lighty 'neferet' Kopearl said...

lol breath in and out.

bArOquE said...

@geisha, what you said about Mike Powers holding its supply & controlling diesel is so 4kin true!

@limitless, i have almost bitten my head off because of these guys, esp now that the cd player in my car is acting up...

somebody tell Segun Owolabi that it is 'WAITING' AND NOT 'WAITHING'...& so on & so forth

btw, i slept all night with my gen for the 2nd night in a row

@rethotz, i know some of these guys & if depth is ankle deep, then yes...LOL

@Rita, what have you got?

@Allied, please help me tell them that 'razz is the new cool'...even if 'posh' was sold in the market, these guys wont knw where to find it...yarn naturelle abeg!
...hold me joo, but not for too long oh...LOL

@chairlady, then lemme faint na, at least it will be in your arms

@zena, yes oh, we all do...how else can we be posh?...cockney...LMFAO

@tyger, thanks...the same things? that would make for good coupling, how d'u reckon?

@Lighty273%, maybe outside. right now, i cant...my office was fumigated yesterday evening & the smell is still strong

Isi said...

Bee dearest! no vex o! i did tell u to give me ur number (one dat actually works!), didn't i? lol
thanks for the promo, and tell me how i can reach u.

in the mean time, i'm gonna learn how to acquire some rhythm 93.7fm accent!
lmao!!!!!

Rita said...

A place where you can have a good massage and make you forget NEPA and phonetics on Rhythm 93.7...

Buttercup said...

lmao @ a crossbreed of Mauritania and Afghanistan..only God knows what that wud actually sound like..

some people r not so different from animals..really..

ahh NEPA..i was just telling someone the other day that i really dont see the situation changing..ever! i dont mean to be pessimistic but i just dont see it happening..lol @ ur 'simple basic appliances'

what?? they actually show pictures of old sores?????

*sweet and adorable mode on* Sir, please cud i have a lamborghini?

Afrobabe said...

Hmmmmm so they call you sir for financial reasons.....that means u r representing....

May I have ur number love???

lmao @ the holla on naija radio...I actually met a girl in lekki who had never left the country but spoke great oyibo wih all the uk effizy...

Standtall said...

Waoh! It seems we are angry about same issues o. For the beggars in cross river, I will insertt Lagos in it's place and some beggers will even get angry at you for not answering them (hmmm)

And for those DJ on rythm.... it's so fake!

guerreiranigeriana said...

...lol...you want to kill me for this cafe, no be so?...my favorite was the nepa one...chai!...this lagos own...by twelve, you had better finish up anything at home requiring light and have made plans to be out otherwise, you will be sitting in darkness until about 12midnight...na real holding power be that o!...this naija...but i'm happy to be home...
...actually the accents too were killing me and making me a bit uneasy...half the time i kept asking, are those nigerians?...from where?...

guerreiranigeriana said...

..oh, so should they call you mr. chairman now?...shei, that's the new one i'm hearing here in lagos...everyone is mr. chairman...

tommeh said...

lmao..

Geeeez.. Rantin' indeed.. Naija dey suffer sha

Naija Idol said...

LMAO.cant remember if its rhythm or so, but the guys have serious H factor.
Nepa, phcn or watever, thunder fire them. plus their stupid meter dat runs as fast as Hamilton.*hiss*

this one dat peeps r offering hugs.am i safe????

Just...Toluwa said...

feeling random eh? *speaking with half afghanistan and half Mauritanian accent*..lol!

kmplx said...

lovely! now don't you feel better that you got it of your chest? now maybe u go gree dash dem small, oga sah.

bArOquE said...

my Isi oh Isi, why have you forsaken me as such? anyway, na my church mind I just take dey follow you…& about the promo, na 1 copy I need…btw, for the accent, try Raypower instead…LOL

@Rita, please please, where is this place? I would kill for a proper massage (preferably by a man) right now…yes, man, I need strong hands & no unnecessary distractions

@buttercupz, somedays they sound like there’s some Welsh in it…
as per NEPA, I have always been optimistic, but I just don’t see it happening too…
…they don’t only show pictures of the sores, the ‘sufferer’ is right before you

& NO, you cant have a lamborghini…you might as well have asked for a helicopter
LOL

@Afrobaby, the Sir thing is not only for financial reasons…there’s the naija factor for offices and positions (no be my fault)…I gats represent...

my dear, it was almost snowing once in my house, thanks to UK Gold & company…LMFAO

PS: my number doesn’t go for nothing oh

bArOquE said...

@Standtall, this morning, I stopped on the road to talk to a vulcaniser when one dirty woman with mental issues came and asked me for 20 naira that she wanted to go to church…the aggression was like she had given it to me earlier to hold for her…she even tapped me…make una see trouble oh…I almost wound up her hand in the window…my cousin laughed me to scorn…& then my a/c came on by force…rubbish

@gnaija, they are not naija people oh…these radio hosts…I once listened to this show called FLAVA, hosted by one guy & a girl…these guys are so down to earth, they switch between pidgin & polished English and its so cool….then these guys are here forming rubbish ‘aspro’ & then very annoyingly pronouncing Nigerian names wrongly and with a unidentified foreign accent…

& NO, I’m not yet Mr. Chairman…my money never complete

@Tommeh, na we for naija dey suffer ourselves

@NaijaIdol, NEPA has succeeded in having me sleep with my gen like 4nights in a row...
...as for the hugs, don't be jealous, me too I’m wondering if I’m safe...hehehehe

@JustToluwa, check this, its half Afghan, half Mauritanian and half Welsh...LMHO

@kmplx, dash them wetin again? you don carry your own come?
...I BIND YOU!...LOL

badderchic said...

lol

you want to faint in my arm? you don die go heaven be that o!
what am I even doing sef ?

henceforth I stop all this dry humping e don dey vex me/ lose taste. Baroque forthwith you are my brother.

bArOquE said...

eh eh, abeg, i no want that kind relationship oh...at all...biko...me & you must see the end of this matter...after taunting me for so long? so that you go say blogvills brodaz no dey rep abi?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

mon cheri, nous passerons la noel a Abuja, oui? Mais peut-etre j'irai Port-Harcout aussi pour une week-end avec ma cousine...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

what i would give right now to be able to sample some of the offerrings of Rhythm 93.7FM, can i listen to it on the web??
as for Nepa guess they took the saying 'africa the dark continent' literally and to a whole new level

wordsmith said...

darn I was so excited to go home and you reminded me of all the stuff I HATE about Nigeria. but soooo true...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

**passererons**

Rita said...

It's okay to ask your question. I will answer when we meet face to face.

Meanwhile, there was one afternoon I was listening to 93.7 and they were talking about cat and mouse with their oyibo accent. Someone then mentioned "mices" as plural of "mice"...if u see as I shook my head...

badderchic said...

Heehee

Me? Taunt you? It was you doing all the taunting not me.

bArOquE said...

~NDQ, qu'il serait intéressant...hope i'll be in town then...

~MissDefMayb, so much the dark continent...& NO you cant listen to it online

~wordsmith, dont be unexcited, thats our reality yet we catch mad fun within

~Rita, yaay, i heard it oh & i screamed, MICES???...i was so ashamed for them

~badderchic, then maybe we should do something about it...how do you reckon?...i need your blood...hehehe

Shubby Doo said...

baroque, I just wanted to say I love your blog simply cos i love the mind behind it...

Merry xmas 2 you 2 darling...kisses

ibiluv said...

i disagree with you on Rhytym presenters

they are no galaxy tv presenters(they SUCK)

Biggie sounds a ok......
Ik is the coolest ish........
Kemistry is a ok.......
Phoenix is ok.......
Nanya is a ok......

Adaure is on tv not radio but i think her accent is a little forced(bite me)

some people have accents cause they've spent time there

some people have developed accents

Now dont get me wrong-i'm not saying every presenter should have an accent
Yaw on 95.1 fm has no accent and his message is passed which is what
every presenter is about.....pass the message -entertain the people

i have family who have effortless accents whether its Yoruba and or English
maybe thats why i'm soft on Rhytym presenters...........*wink*





This is naija-uniformed peeps are lords





NEPA is Nigeria's natural disaster-we live with it...........sadly



Ask your Governor to talk to Fashola.........*wink*





Dear you aiint mean
you need not explain to anyone how you spend your hard earned money
and just cause you refuse to give without reason..............ride on.......

miz-cynic said...

and i have the apollo in my eye right????

AlooFar said...

@ Rita. I heard that "mices" thing but not sure if it was on 93.7. It's just effing annoying how these presenters croon their forced-fone into our ears. It's just distracting!

bArOquE. You've just summed up all the challenges we face in Naija, as common men. On the Sir thing... nope, I don't share that with you.

bArOquE said...

~shubby, stop making me blush *smiles shyly & bows head*...hehehe

~ibiluv, do i sense beef?...btw which one is it that Fahsola has done? be sure b4 you recommend

~mizcynic, well depends on what side you lay on during...

~aloofar, i so heard that MICES thing, & it was on Rhythm, plus, i know who said it...LOL
...well, some of us happen to have a few people that call us Sir, no be my fault...hehehehe...btw, are you in PH?

Queen of My Castle said...

Loving the new profile pic

Shubby Doo said...

baroque tell me that the man in the profile pic is you and i will let you keep kissing me all night long...wow @ the buns of steel!!!!

come I don't even know why i was getting wet with excitement at the thought cos i no say no be u jare...hisssssssss...*shubby doo heads back to hers*

if you kiss me again na fight!

badderchic said...

Na wa for this your ashawo picture o!

What exactly do you propose?

Jaja said...

You ve just summed up what it means to live. in Nigeria. Having lived in Nigeria all my life, i realised I never got used to these things.. I pine constantly electricity. My disappointemt was always fresh and sore each time there was an outage; my joy was childlike when it returned, even when I wasnt sure what I wanted to do with it... I loathe generators, the idea of it, the noise... but I covert and pray for a time when I can do a big soundproof somewhere far away near my gate.. where I ll pay someone for constant maintainace- i hate Gen wahala.

My brother, lets not talk about Radio Presenters.......I wish they were good enough for one to learn things from, to copy from; but they are mostly ignorant, arrogant fools. They dont read, they dont know, they are proud... those three dont go together. They are doomed. They are one of the lesser curses blighting us..(But I love them too, they are what we have.They are our own) But right now am more concerned about the kidnapping in PH.. they kidnapped my friend's father last friday?? was anything on the news???

Am far away and sad as I often am. But your post has loads of laughter in it. Our life is complex, hard sometimes, but it is good.

bArOquE said...

~QOMC, thanks, i try to take nice photoz...LOL

~shubby, thats me ofcourse (without body hair)...alas my lips shall hurt if its all night long, but there's a lot more we can do *wink*...stay wet

~chairlady, do you want us to make this proposal public? na wa for you oh

~Jaja...see my brother, where you dey since naa?...i knew you would share my pain, you just took the batton & killed it...LMAO

NoLimit said...

Hi Baroque,
You got tagged by moi!!!
Please check my blog for more details...

Jarrai said...

hahahah..you never cease to make me laugh!. Those random peeps asking for money..don't dash them ooo, they will just bring their friends along the next time.

Original Mgbeke said...

Tell 'em why you mad son! LOL...nna ehn, my brother..them radio personalities be killing me! Killing me, I tell ya.
Go dey yarn schweee schweee like say sonthin dey dia nose.
Oh and NEPA na another wahala o, but isn't half current even more irritating na Nepa?
You be PH guy too? Ooooh weee!

bArOquE said...

@NoLimit, which kind work you wan give me so?

oh Jarrai, you're so sweet, your comment cracked me up, like i just got caught in the middle of handing money out your friends...LMHO...i have taken your advice dearie...kisses

@oRigiulmGbeke, i kind off am a PH guy...why? (whisper am if you no want make people hear am)...btw how pop & mumsi?

Temite said...

errr I like the colour and the picshure bro! vous parlez francais. ca c'est bon!

Afrobabe said...

Hmmmm this ur new profile pic na die oh....


So what's ur number worth?? I think I'll make my money back after I speak with all the ladies on blogsville....

bArOquE said...

~Temitz, aww thats sweet...oui, je parle peu le francais, bien que ce n'est pas si bon plus

~Afrosugar, you like the pic? its just me & you! if you want the number, go for it & all its worth

NoLimit said...

@ baroque...haba uncle B!!!:-)...it is easy peasy lemon squeezy kinda work o!nothing to it now abi...put up the post o!

miz-cynic said...

during wht>>>>????apollo for eye and side ur lying on, bros wetin be the correlation?

Buttercup said...

hey Baroquizzle(lol), yea, im in the motherland o, but u no dey for lagos na..

exschoolnerd said...

lol....someone's real angry isnt he? dont mind dem yeye nepa...dem radio personalities don tire me theres one on star fm? gosh he has d most irritating acent known to man...with his h factor and all..

bArOquE said...

~NoLimit, i will look into putting it up, but no guaranteez

~miz-cynic, you shalln't understand...small mind!

~Buttershizzle, you never know...i can be anywhere, even for a day...

~XSN&bum, NEPA don show me pepper oh, say them thief armoured cable wey dey inside ground...na wa oh...the guy that does the 7:30am sports news on Rhythm needs some very serious admonishing...mnwhile did you see the comment i dropped for you on my SexyMissGlade?

Afrobabe said...

The pic is you and I??

Ashawo...

Buttercup said...

ohhh, i see..

ok, holla @ me on ronaldosbuttercup@hotmail.com

Isi said...

bee! where are u?

Original Mgbeke said...

Pops and Moms full ground o!
Me sef be PH gal na...I got mad love for my PH folk!

The Boob Sistas said...

LOL. Merry Christmas Mr naughty. Missed me???

badderchic said...

hiya sweets, you no go update?

rethots said...

Compliments of the season.

Jarrai said...

Seasons greetings and happy new year in advance xx

ablackjamesbond said...

Baroque my brother! Happy new year in advance. Hope to read more from you in the new year. Hope we will finally get together and drnk that beer.

Sting said...

"When is the Rivers State Government going to rid our streets of these damn beggars, especially the ones that assault we drivers with pictures of old sores/fresh looking wounds or most times the actual patients displaying their decayed/decaying sores embalmed with gentian violet?"

You seem like a very heartless person for making that statement. Do u think someone who has such sores or wounds who is more than likely in a lot of pain wants to stand on the road and beg?!! Have some empathy my brother.

Chari said...

Its Naija! get over it joo!

Afrobabe said...

Happy new year sweets....

May it be all u desire....

bumight said...

B, its been a while since ive been on ur blog! I read this post then, forgot what i was going to say.
At least Im not the only one who thinks the accent is annoying!

Nepa? apparently i have a bf in NEPA that makes sure that when im sleeping there's light (im mostly out during the day, generator at night) however, he's been fking up of late!

Happy New year!

bumight said...

oh, and I liked the 20 naira note on ur page, why did u change it?

confession: i used to come here to look at it! ... and are u trying to give me tachycardia with ur pics? take time o!

Bombchell said...

I definitely do not miss NEPA.

badderchic said...

Happy nu year!

bArOquE said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOGSVILLE!!!

~Afrobaby, na me & you get this year oh

~buttercup, I’m sure by the time I holla you’d be gone

~Isi, I dey somewhere oh…I will attempt a visibility trick

~OriginalMgbeks, good for pops & moms…I love you too…hehehe

~TheBoobSista, have you got a tattoo on your boob? Identify yourself

~badderchic, I go update, I get plenty work for hand now

~rethotz, same to you my brother…

~Jarrai, Happy New Year my dear Jarrai…

~black007, we shall see about the beer…Compliments of this season my guy

~Sting, as heartless as I may seem, I’ve got no sympathy for the beggars on our streets…SORRY!!!

~Chari, same to you…!!! LOL

~Afrobaby again, thanks a lot dearie, I wish you the same

~bumight, apparently the girl in my estate that that NEPA man was chasing has succumbed…they eventually brought our light

& we have gone beyond 20naira level, abi police no go improve…tell me, how the picture dey do you

~bombchell, believe me, you don’t

~badder, happy Nu 2009 to you too…how hav you been?

Queen of My Castle said...

Hey Baby Cakes!

Hope you have a great New Year!

Are you still keeping check on flights to Houston? LOL

SMOOCHES!!!!!!

doll said...

Hilarious

Afrobabe said...

Yipeeeee he's back...happy new year babes...oya update...

badderchic said...

missed you too

bArOquE said...

~QOMC. i'm a lil closer than you think...might even drive down...dont mess with Texas

~doll, glad it made you laugh

~afro, i shall in abit...wait small abeg

~chairlady, kisses *wink*

~Sirius~ said...

Hey! it's against the law to leave comments on other blogs without updating yours......

Shubby Doo said...

Happy new year hun

bArOquE said...

~Siruis, which kind bad belle you wan take follow me this 2009? abi na Chisco you take go Christmas?

~ScoobyDoo, Happy New Year to you too dearie

OluwaDee said...

Happy new year!

Power Holding company of Nigeria. They will get there some day.

miz-cynic said...

bros....i don reply ur comment o.

badderchic said...

kisses to you too baby. *batts eyelids*

NigerianDramaQueen said...

update alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Temite said...

Uncle shey una no dey update for us ehn? Shey you wan make I come over there and administer Temite's kisses ni? Update joooo

Smaragd said...

and the the blogsville flirt of 2008 award goes to.... drum roll... blinding lights... applaudissez pour il... BAROQUE the Steed!

happy new year mister. where u dey? u still dey vex for our country? dont waste ur time bro.lol

hope u are now excited about some things.

bArOquE said...

~Oluwadee, please lets dont talk about NEPA (as they shall forever be known)...Happy New Year to you too

~mizcynic, i don see your reply

~chairlady, *smiles*

~NDQ, you no fit wait?...hehehe

~Temite, abeg, administer those kisses very sharply...i cant wait *smug*

~esmeralda, na GOD go judge me & you, as you wan come fall my hand for this blogsville...e no go better your anybody we wan put sand sand for my garri...anyway, i dey alright oh

Afolabi said...

woo!! Where've I been all this while?? Now I'll be visiting this blog more often. Those radio presenters, especially at Rhythm, were so annoying, I mean the accents were so blatantly fake. As for that Nepa, I hope it ends up like telecommunications, which though not that highly efficient, did experience considerable development. If that should happens, I'd imagine that at least we would have constant electricity and the few power outages would make headline news (???)

Shubby Doo said...

abi you no wan post in jan 09?...you berra get your finger out, sharpish and rectify the matter

UPDATE jo...hiss

guerreiranigeriana said...

...happy new year and all that good stuff...but i dey vex o!...where were you?...i came to carnival, took pics...i never saw you o!...i was waiting to drink palmie with you (i no fit eat 404 o!...God forbid, even if i ate meat)...i don tire...i'll post some pics from carnival...you come show me which one was you...hope you are well though...

bArOquE said...

~Afolabi, i wonder what you have been reading all this while...LOL...thanks...you have just hit the nail on the head like a correct mind...someday i hope for naij, someday

~shubbydoo, matter rectified...hahaha

~gnaija, i had fun, like an intractable groover, i was all over the town...mad fun