Saturday, 14 March 2009

What Could She Want?

People, this time, I am running. She is stalking me. What she's looking to buy, I'm not looking to sell, & I dont want to fuck her.

My phone has been buzzing from endless text messages. She's telling me about how she's been feeling since the first day she saw me at the joint. She has only just grduated from Uni & helps with orders at the beer parlour offering local delicacies owned by her mother.

From the moment she got my number, she has been texting me on the daily about some feelings she's been having, & her wanting to be appreciated, & why I was not texting back, & how everyone's not appreciating her, & how she wants to be loved back, & why I am so mean, & how she calls me & I refuse to answer, & how she's sorry for talking to me like that & getting me upset, & how she will leave me alone, & how she wants to be a friend, & how she's broke, & how she doesn't want to be a pest, & how sex is not so important, & how you count 1 before 2...& so on, & so forth

She doesn't live very far away, & I know that the moment she enters my house, I might have to move out. If ever, she will have to be fucked at a motel. Amidst all of this, I have been silent. I decided on the 3rd text message from her that I did not want to fuck her anymore. She puts the x in drama, & the pain in my neck.


"I woke up this mornin discovrin dat u re an Igbo man n Yoruba land. Ibo men like to mk women feel tht they can survve w/out them but I was made2understnd tht a Yoruba man takes care of any woman he meets witout havn a relationshp with her. you seem very unusual, ve u ever been dictched tht u're so hard and nothin can touch you. I really wnt2knw why you act the way u do. pls reply, I need2 understand u. thanks"


What the fuck is that? Who the blazes sends this kind of text message? This is one out of a thousand...."You need to understand me? You must be having a laugh!" was the message I almost sent back, but I chose my ultimate weapon, SILENCE!

I am abit too stressed right now to abide her tantrums so I decide to speak & tell her, she was too young for me, I was not what she wanted
, & how sorry I am that I cannot fulfil her friendship requirement. What I am, that inconsistent customer is what I wish to remain.

63 comments:

NoLimit said...

OFFICIALLY first!!!brb

wordmerchant said...

oh my days!!! what have you got urself into now baroque?

hahahahahaha...am sorry am laughing, you must be stressed, eeya.

ok..you just need to continue the silence mode, she will get the message eventually. You've already taken the bull by the horn so to speak so she knows you are not interested

In the mean time stay indoors before she moves into your house! lol!

Have a nice weekend mr.

wordmerchant said...

no limit where did u come from!!!!! oh no, i could have been firt.

FFF said...

lmao. Dude, u & babes. Makes me see d other side of maleness. But jeez, na by force, dis girl. Ah ah. Make she go meet aboki now. Dem go gladly fuck am without a 2nd tot.

bArOquE said...

~noLimit, are you still coming back? abi you lost for road?

~worDmeChant, see me see trouble oh...i didn't do anything oh...she has bluntly refused to get the message, even if i never answer when she calls, make una come rescue me oh...LOL

~FFF, the just sent me a text saying she wont stop liking me no matter what i say, but that i should just be her friend, nothing more, that she wants someone 'elder' she can talk to...see me see someone 'elder'...i no fit shout oh

African Weight Loss Diva said...

Lol. If you sleep with that girl you no go rest o!

mizchif said...

How do u manage to find such females???
Dis is drama to the nth degree!

I wonder y some people refuse to take hints well!

"elder" bArOqUe....better keep ur prick far away 4rm this one, if not.....

StandTall-The Activist said...

I believe this matter can be resolved soon. She likes you but you dont feel the same way. Let her know politely and without a fight. She shd get the message

bumight said...

LMAO!!!
sorry, I just find this funny.

baroque is being chased by a pussy!

LOL!

Silence might not be helping ur case sha. ROTFLMAO!

NoLimit said...

lol...no be sooo...I got hijacked ni! thank God for my FBI skillz!
I think you should maintain your silence o!
Remember she puts the D in drama o!
@ Bumight...tides do turn you know(@ baroque being chased) muhaahaahaahaa...
ermm sorry baroque I sure ain't laffing!:-)

Teeee said...

There are some days you may think let me just try her then the next day she will tell everyone you proposed. She is why restraining orders exist. And drama too. Tread carefully. What juju have done for her?

Smaragd said...

i see u still have girl drama dude

and since when we start spelling drama with an "x"? lol

sorry, i cant help laffing at ur situation.

whatever u do, dont f*** that girl, in a motel or wtv. even when u are bored and just need to get laid.

~Sirius~ said...

Baroque!
Did you lead her on at any point?...just asking.

LOL

This girl means serious "bidness".......lol

Sorry Mate!

Shubby Doo said...

a whole u running?!...LOL...please i can't comment just right now...i'll have to come back when the tears subside....LMAO

Iwalewa said...

whatever u do, stay away from that girl. she must have taken the fact that u gave her ur number as a proposal.

Temite said...

Uncle Baroque
Uncle Baroque
Uncle Baroque
How many times did I pronounce yer name?
STAY AWAY FROM THE STALKER CHICK
PLEASE AND PLEASE
ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING HER!
Shey you hear me?
I have said my piece and now I leave in peace!

Ms.O said...

Awww Baroque, pele, unlike all these other people, I feel your pain! I will not laugh at you, but pray that the girl realizes it is ot working and leaves you alone!


SIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!(sorry, this ish is funnny)

Afrobabe said...

There is no X in drama...

I like the girl...she knows what she wants!!!

Zena said...

She'll get the message, how soon....lol, well you'll have to deal with that

you have to admit, it is funny tho

Just...Toluwa said...

another crazy gurl..y are male bloggers experiencing psycho chics? lol!

Chic is funny tho!

Quaggar said...

lol.. the chaser getting chased. But sumtin tells me u had a part to play in this. So i'll second Sirius and ask... did u lead her on at any point?

Having said dat, my advice: run dude, thats drama walking on two feet!

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Afrobabe.

I say you just forget about her and move here to Houston...

Funms-the rebirth said...

ok seriously, this babe is full of drama... my advice, RUN for ur life.... and dont even look back....

Shubby Doo said...

lol@ funms - he should run abi? oya baroque run...sweetie run straight into my arms...i'll protect u...

Shubby Doo said...

why do i sense that this drama aint quite over...seriously apart from the fact that she might be too young (age is but a number with some people sha)...that mssg shows her naivety... hmmm… or is she is just using the naive angle to get to u?... as part of her plans to entrap our dearest baroque?... from the way u describe this i have to say i've met her kind and know their ways...this guy just know that if she ever gets her hooks into u’ll be the caught fish at her mercy trying to wriggle free...LOL

whatever the case baroque keep using those senior boy moves to keep her at bay...then maybe...just maybe… she'll understand that baroque is just not that into her!!!

LMAO

bArOquE said...

WAIT OH, ARE ALL OF YOU LAUGHING AT ME…GOD GO PUNISH UNA FINISH

~AfricanWLDiva, I know oh…my cousin has been singing it like song to me...I won’t even dare

~miZchif, drama in the highest degree oh…she has bluntly refused to take any hint…my prick is kept well away from this one

~sTandtAll, poilitely ke? I’m not even taking her calls…

~buMight, chased by a pussy oh…i really hope this silence helps

~noLimit, hijacked ni! truth is, I get more beef texts because of my silence…so even you too, dey laugh me

~Teee, I am sure she already sees me as her husband

~Esmeralda, this is not just girl drama! this is a case of obsession, I just hope it doesn’t end fatally

~siRius, I didn’t lead anything on…don’t make it sound like we were pallies of some sort, I was just being my friendly self as a consumer of nkwobi & ugba

~shubbyDoo, a whole me running oh, I have to run for my dear life…this one pass me

bArOquE said...

~Iwalewa, yes oh, like I said she might just be planning our wedding..LOL

~Temite, I lost count with the name calling…& btw, it is Elder Baroque…hehehe…I will stay away from her, especially the fucking part

~Ms.O, feel which pain? you too dey laugh me abi?

~myAfrobaby, so you don’t know how to spell drama? I no do mistake, she has given a new meaning & spelling to the word…btw, since you like her, you can have her

~Zena, she has refused to get the message , she insists that no matter what I say, she won't stop liking me

~JustToluwA, funny ke? there’s nothing funny about this chic oh…you need to see text messages she sends me…some serious shitz & thingz

~qUaggAr, I led her on NOT…I’m on the run…not even looking behind

~ to myQueenInMyCastle, here I come, provided you treat me REALLY nicely *wink* (i'm already getting excited)

~RebornFums, I don’t even drive past her street anymore

~Shubby, shey you will, thanks a mill…the girl is in a world of her own & nothing I say will change her mind…she reeks of naïveté, I can barely stand her text messages…she giving vibes like she can get suicidal…funny when I answer her calls she can't say anything...abeg come help me tell say no be so oh

theicequeen said...

w.t.f???!!! lamoooo! so na by force sef?...some girls make me wonder o...silence my dear, before like my iranian friend, she will interprete any reply like a sign of affection from you, and breakthrough on her part....

miz-cynic said...

baroque o ti e le.ur not even hard at all.if i were u.id fuck her like u put it.wt no rubba sef

bArOquE said...

¬iceyQ, i dey dodge am oh...imagine the imagined affection now, then imagine say i fuck am#

¬mizcynic, e no go better for you oh...LOL...you say make i fuck am without rubber abi? if i gree, you go still gree fuck me? LOL

Dante said...

Ah...baroque...lol I am with you on this..Run. PERIOD! as long as your legs can carry you. If you look back, I promise you, you will become a pillar of salt!

miz-cynic said...

y does evrytn hv 2 com bac 2 fuckn me.whetr or not u fuck her,i aint fuckn u!

miz-cynic said...

Also duh!isnt dat d whol point,morova wth d no rubba u bn doin of late,even if,u must wear rubba.

Spicytee said...

I think she want ur kokomytycine oh... So you have two options.. Either run as far as you can or give it to her jeje..LOL
But seriously that babe is a bad business. She is crazily obsessed with you which is bad. Girls like her can do and undo. You know wat me I wil advice. Keep ur d**k in ur drawers.

theicequeen said...

lmao..if u fuck am na ultimate declaration of LOVE be dat.biko no do o..u don't need a crayzee on your case :P lol @ spicy...no be small kokomycine she dey find

Danny Bagucci said...

First time here I think......That babe go worry you o!!!! Na bailing matter be this oh..

poeticallytinted said...

LOL! Run Run Run. Silence will work. Don't crack and try reasoning with her. Silence is the answer.

Qube The Wordsmith said...

DUDE!!!The good book says "Flee every apperance of evil"... DON'T doit o!! She fit go use fertility drug b4 una do,next tin u go hear na "Congrats,there r 4 of em!!!" Continue d silence oh my guy..no giv am face n don't let her knw where u live else u wil get home one nite n find her naked in ur bed...its happenend to a cousin of mine b4...
Mis-Cynic,in dis age u r encouragin him to fuck wivout rubba? Tsk tsk bad girl...

Arewa said...

no fair... the babe is clearly falling in love all by herself... wats up with the bad text lingo though?

RocNaija said...

First timer.. Or better yet.. Jambite on your blog..

Lol @ Qube... Me says "Lead me not into temptation.. I can find it myself.."

Find a motel five states away and make sure she pays ;) And pad your self so much make you no go "Enter the place" like TuFace

What is good for the goose..

LusciousRon said...

Only you all this love? Run away! Just keep running.

Ms Sula said...

Bwahahaha! When randomly giving out one's number goes wrong.

This is hilarious! :)

kmplx said...

i am late! :(
sorry - got half way through her text and got annoyed. text language gets me. wish they had mobile phones that could send round slaps, so when you can send a slap to someone acting ridiculous!

Original Mgbeke said...

Baroque you don enter real wahala be this o. Which kain stalkerific steez be this? But seems like you let her know! And she best take the hint...

bArOquE said...

~Dante, I dey tell you oh…Union Dicon Table Salt

~mizCynic, well, e be like say me & you been quarrel for night oh...na play i dey play oh

~sPicytEE, kokomycine oooh…LMAO…my dear, bad business is not good

~iCequEEn, not just LOVE oh, EVERLASTING LOVE

~daNNYbaGuCCi, you guy is on the run for his dear life…anyway, she has not called or texted in the past 48hours.i wonder how long she can hold it up for…you're welcome here, sorry, i've run out of coffee

~peoetiCAllytintEd, reasoning? no chance sweetie…thanks

bArOquE said...

~Qube, don’t mind mizCynic, she’s out for my downfall. LOL. meanwhile, i’m not letting her in on more than the phone number she has, i'm praying her phone gets missing…please what did your cos do?
PS: how come the ones we want don’t lie in wait, naked on our bed

~aREwa, truth, she actually speaks well…prolly good primary school education…that ‘elder’ english tire me sha

~RoCnaIja, jambite abi Toad! *naughty grin* ….your own sef no good oh…see your evil plan! you're a bad somebody, we should hook up *wink*

~lUciousRon, only me oh…

~MsSula, no talk am like that nah, it was not a random something...FYI, i'm the last person to give my number out, i have issues with those thingz

~kmplX, na me just fall her hand…her grammar no too bad, but she too talk…over yarnings na her ploblem, her shortest text is 3 pages. why she no go make mistake

~chaiMy Mgbeke, LOL@stalkerific steez…it’s only a while b4 the hint flavour fades off & she starts calling again

Buttercup said...

baroquizzle!!!!!!! ha ha ha now u've got stalkers on ur tail..its ur fault for being sexy..lol!!!!

seriously, just give her the silent treatment, she'll eventually leave u..if she has any pride, that is..

Ms. Catwalq said...

i could see juvenile pasted all over the texts even before u said she was too young...

for why i came here, ngbo, what is the matter ehn? come and sit on my lap and tell me all about it....

Smaragd said...

oya come and update. havent u noticed that blogsville is getting larger? yep, fine young men are rising up from all over, so u need to update dude, else all them e-hearts will stop beating for u and u'll be left with chicks like Desperata in this post!

Fashinga said...

YOu guys should leave that babe alone oh!!! Whats wrong with knowing what you want and going for it?? That woman is the perfect example of a go-getter and a relentless achiever..The way i see it, Baroque if you're not careful very soon you'd be in between her legs and then BAM..U'll be her mugu for life...
Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First time here,will be back

Laters!!
F.

Tigeress said...

OMD this must be making u miserable- i so dont envy you. pele. There is really nothing u can do about it. If u were in the Western world i wld have suggested u get a restraining order. The best thing is to avoid her and ignore cos babes sounds CRAZY!!! Silence too is the best route to take. She'll eventually find another unfortunate soul.

bArOquE said...

~buTTErshizzle baybay, my fault? there’s a difference between being sexy and being too sexy oh…I never reach the ‘too’ level...LMAO

~CattyLUv, please I need to come into your bossom & tell you all these thingz

~eSmeRAlda, i’m not doing e-hearts oh…i want real blood…let the fine young men rise

~faShingA, go-getter ko, relentless achiever ni…please do come back

~TigreSS, no oh, restraining order no good na! na small girl…she can be handled until she finds another unfortunate soul

rethots said...

"...& how she want to be my friend,..." Haba, (saying it as it is) even for friendship, will thou not extend thy hand?

bArOquE said...

~rethotz, you no see say i don change am...how come na that one you notice...i don dey pity the girl, make una leave am

CultureCynic said...

hahahahaha, Love is not by force nah!!!!lol eh ya, she roves you.....lol. i Don't think i've commented on here b4, but been following your stories for a bit now, it always makes me laff!

Choms!

Omo calabar. said...

D gal one top u, original stalker.

bArOquE said...

~cultureCynic, Love is not by force oh...btw, are you related to miZcynic?

~NwaCalabar, LOL@top me?

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Mon cheri,
I can see your still breaking hearts, eh?
There needs to be the nollywood version of "he's just not that into you"...
Anyhoo,
Missed you.
Bisoussssssss

BlackRose said...

...lol
she's in love now; free d babe.

AnyaPosh said...

WHOA... that is pretty stalkerish. As in what kinda person puts themselves out there like without any feedback but keeps on doing it. Wow...I don't get. She must desperately horny r lonely or bored... I like your weapon. Silence is always better than an explanation. If in any case you meet her again what will you do when she confronts you about the unanswered calls/texts?

bArOquE said...

~my NDQue, ma chérie. sa été un moment oh, Sarkozy vous a pris loin de moi. Je vais vous joindre en privé sur une question. kisses

~bLackRose, free her as in? na me hold am? take time oh...LOL

~pOsheye, have you ever heard of a go-getter and a relentless achiever...? ask Fashinga (see above) LOL...not only unanswered texts or calls, she accuses me of not coming to the shop anymore...i had to reply that one, telling her not give herself that much credit, that i was out of the country & my phone was roaming (which was true)...she was mute...anywy, how you dey?

Tyger said...

why did you give her your number?

anyway like you said - the best thing is silence - i would call her problem - growing pains!

answering her would be mean and definitely no sex...

how are you?

Miss you more than you know!

Tyger

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

LMAO!!!! Bet you wish there wasnt that 'much fire in your pants' huh?
Sleep with one eye open, stalkers are known for extreme behaviour when they feel thier 'love' has been scorned