Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Is It A No Win Situation?

This issue is currently facing my family unit and I, it has been like a torn in my flesh for ages now. There was a time I thought I had it resolved but alas it is here again. Is this how we shall continue to live? I am on the verge of doing something drastic, but the last time I did, I lived to regret it, although I confess I had fun doing it.

I am having a hard time combing my bush and yet you say you want to grow one. Every other morning in the bathroom despite the rush hour, I take out time to apply head & shoulders shampoo and wonder why I never remember to buy a detangler. The other day, I had a comb with me and I combed out the afro looming beneath. Dried it, I combed it again and it looked, felt and smelt nice.

Alas, I couldn’t keep up with the routine so I have thus abandoned it to breed on its own without guidance. Now it is locked in a much untended manner. In my spare time, I use my fingers to untangle it and it more than necessary, turns out to be quite unpleasant leading to the introduction of the second hand for freedom. The twists and turns, stings and bites I suffer when I force them to unlock from the finely formed bond they have created with each other is something to write home about (as I have just done).

Sometime in the past while I was serving my nation, I proceeded on a certain action I call drastic and applied shaving powder, magic hair remover.

In a few minutes, I was clean like a baby, groin, sides, crotch and entire under all-encompassing. About a week later, it came to pass that I could barely walk; it felt like I had been attacked by a million and one termites, this specie of termites was called stubble.

Let your imagination go there. I couldn’t quite take a walk without having to stop and adjust my sac of jewels and rod of life, and then readjust again and again. It was an almost hopeless situation but for dusting powder, and the fact that my roommate was suffering a similar predicament.

Now, the dilemma is to shave or to trim, I am armed with a pair of scissors and clippers, but I have found not the time or space to execute the rescue mission. In a few days I will however, take this bull by the horns.

On the side, I wouldn’t terribly mind, a willing female stylist to engage me in a private shaving exercise, with of course a happy ending. Feel free to suggest, volunteer or nominate, or kuku apply in person.

37 comments:

Ms.O said...

Jesu!!!1

bumight said...

lol, i'll just say drop the clippers or the termites'll be back!....hold fast to ur scissors and trim....jeez! i cant believe im typing this out! Baroque, ure crazy!!!

Brokeass said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Seriously stick with the scissors..

Imagine having to do this every 2 weeks
LOOL!

Miss Natural said...

lmao lool...the many pains of private grooming. alas I might have offered to help out but...lol nahh jk

Shubby Doo said...

To be clean like a baby...I suggest a wax...there is a special one just guys...perfect for u

hell, I even volunteer to work on u myself...*evil grin*...when you're ready baby hit me up...for your 'back, sack and crack'!!!

Lmaooooooooo!

Iwalewa said...

lol..too funny

I suggest going with the scissors or wax like Shubby Doo suggest.

Vera Ezimora said...

Sack of jewels? Rod of life?? LOL. Dude, why don't you have laser surgery? Bia, how much hair are you even growing? What are on you, on some typa hair growth hormone??

Oh!!!!! I just thought of something: BRAZILIAN WAX!!!!!!!

Yeah, baby. Talk about taking the bull by the horns. After this, I promise your life will never be the same. A trial will convince you. *wink*

c_u_o said...

Babe, you so do not want clippers anywhere near you. The stubble will be back quicker than ever and ingrown hairs are VERY real. Just trim or take up the suggestion of a BSC if you're up to it...lol

Miss Lowlah said...

thats an easy one... wax it boy

mizchif said...

U're just crazy sha, shey u know?

I like Miss Lowlah's suggestion.... WAX IT!!!
Let's see if u survive!

Quaggar said...

Leave the thing jare... After all were your forefathers shaving? Let it grow wild and free.. for that was it meant to be. lol

mizchif said...

I hear say na so so kidnap dem dey kidnap for dat side abeg, count me out. But now if u have any reason to be in las gidi.....

sweetness said...

hahahahhahahaha
omg
u need to know that i laughed so hard
i almost feel off my bed

JEEEEZ!

hahahaha, 4give me but, hope u did not do the termite dance??
lol
lmao
i am not usually mean
but guy?
who send u?

nice piece

ibiluv said...

for your rod of life
i'll help it live by trimming

bring the scissors over......*wink*

for ur armpits&face-shaving cream/stick/clippers will do

for ur head.......i'll buy you detangler and do cornrows after shaping you into a sexy mohawk......mwah....

Tigeress said...

U this naughty child. apply ko, applu ni. hehehehehe

chayoma said...

Sac of jewels and rod of life?
okay, that got me rolling....

We ladies practice what we call,
WAXING!
u should try it sometime....impressive results!
termites....damn that must have hurt.

Qube The Wordsmith said...

Bruv....

Scissors all d way..no stubble n u can get help from d sexy female denizens of blogsville

FFF said...

lol. at first i tot u were talking abt d hair on ur head. nna, u dey try oh. applying head n shoulders 4 d place! such dedication!!!!!!!

go get gf, she'd willingly b ur barber. na so i dey do 4 oga. it's a great foreplay. lmao

pankajsharma.separate said...

This is truly interesting, I just loved your blog, keep posting!


Nicole using Avent Isis these days

Temite said...

LMAO!!!!
You are not a serious someborri sha. mscheeeeeew

kmplx said...

LMAO!!! baroque, baby, what's going on? first blue monochrome, and now magic powder??!? do you want to talk about it?
stick to scissors - do not do waxing (even though it will be entertaining for us)!
I'd offer to help out but i've been banned from lustfully doing anything.

bArOquE said...

~Ms.O, Jesu Christi...LMAO

~bumbum, yes oh, you typed it…my scissors are ready, ciao. LOL

~broKeaSS, 2 weeks ke? am i Captain Caveman?

~MissNatural, please offer the help or do you want me to become Mr.Natural

~shuBBydOO, are you gonna be coming with your our kit or I should provide all? I’m definitely gonna ring your bell Shubbybaby…

~IwalewA, what is funny biko? However, I shall do as you have advised. LOL

~Veranwannem, Brazilian Wax ke? I thought you liked me, how can you prescribe Laser, if the thing misfires and disables Dennis Rodman nko? am on no hormone nada. Its how this bulls grows

~c_u_o, what is BSC?

~Lowlah(Miss), if and only if you’ll do it for me.

~miZchiF, it depends on what you consider as survival, death is not the worst thang that can happen to a man. Hahaha

~quaGGar, WILD AND FREE baby…i’m feeling you man. Btw, is what you have growing wild and free?

bArOquE said...

~miZchiF, cant you see that I am blogging from my where I am being held hostage, abeg joo, better people wey get correct hostage value never talk, na you…instead talk say you no get mind to show for this area…come & wax my bush joo

~swEEtneSS, please don’t laugh, this is serious! I was wise about not doing the termite dance, common, you never know who’s looking

~ibiLuv, leave armpit and face, concentrate only on the matter at hand. LOL

~TigreSS, apply first na, don’t be a bore. hehehehe

~chayomA, well, it kinda hurt, but more like incredibly uncomfortable, if you know what I mean

~Qube, denizens ke? which kind big big grammar you dey blow untop this George Bush matter..however, whenever, it will have to go with your idea…but what if I make a hole in the sac?...

~FFF, shampoo is good for hair, to keep it so fresh & so clean….i’m gonna pretend I didn’t see the part about you doing what for oga, abeg wetin concern foreplay and scissors?

~pankasmthn, thanks. but Nicole who? uses what?

~Temite, how could you say that? You cut me deep baby, you cut me reeeeeal deep

~KMPLX, tell me about you been banned from lustfully doing anything…privately if you must

StandTall-The Activist said...

LMAO! To trim is what u shd settle for. It's a lot better and you can do it by yourself. Lol

Oby said...

Na wa!! LOL

mizchif said...

I'm looking for an email for u, can't find one!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Nahhh I think I'm gon have to pass on this one...
ps: just read your prior post...je ne comprends pas...

Repressed One said...

LMAOOO...[i was confused for a sec] na so e bad reach so tey you need detangler??? Odiegwu oh!!!

I'd say a trim...stubbles can get itchy

bArOquE said...

~stanDtall, shey i should do it myself...i'm thinking so, these volunteers are wasting time

~Oby, no be small wa oh

~miZchif, will double check & get back to ya

~eNDeeQue, mais il n'est pas trop compliqué?

~repressed1, o wu ihe nta kiri oh, i need that detangler badly before i proceed on the sanitation exercise

Sip said...

Even though you'll have to apply it, say once a week depending on how fast your hair grows Veet (hair removal cream) might just work. (Unless you feel it's the same way back to the conundrum you're hoping to avoid)

Bah.

Good luck!

guerreiranigeriana said...

...chai!...you want to kill me this morning shebi?!...sac of jewels and rod of life?!...chai...men think soooo highly of their sexual organs!...na wa o...

...ole boy, if you must, abeg wax o...ingrown hair and stubble are the wackest!...but i think a man with some hair down there is rather grrrr-sexy in a very masculine way...dunno how i'd feel if we both were hairless down there...in that case, trimming would do the trick...

bArOquE said...

~sIp, no bloody way i'm gonna be doing that once a week business...i cant shout

~gNaija, you have spoken wisely, t'll be quite weird if we're both hairless down there abi? LOL....i shall execute as you have adviced

LusciousRon said...

I am in sync with Vera on this one. LOL @ sac of jewels and rod of life!

Trimming will be nice.

Original Mgbeke said...

BaroQue, I swear you have lost your everlovin' mind. I am seriously holding laugh for here, Jesu! See me reading thinking you were talking about the hair on your head for some odd reason...*smh*
Wax it! Or buy Nair hair removal cream.

bArOquE said...

~Luscios, you are one them that want to laser Dennis right? no thanks

~OriginalMgbeks, i'm telling you something serious & you're laughing, i go beat you oh.LOL.buy & send me the cream nah.hahaha

aeedeeaee said...

Baroque, i have a brilliant idea...why not Spot dreads down there...considering the texture you've described...'twill make a lot of sense...lol..

UnderCover07 said...

LMAO @ disabling Dennis Rodman!

Dat Brazilian wax dey fear me o...! Pls stay away from clippers b4 u go clip wetin u no suppose to. Use scissors biko; all u need is a well tended garden not necessarily desert.