Monday, 16 November 2009

Road Rage

The way people drive in this country Nigeria is driving me mad. Why on earth cant you make that turn without driving through my own lane, are you out of your mind? When I drive straight up to your bumper, you proceed to insult me wondering if I didn’t see you. "What nonsense, drive on your own lane you bastard”.

Taxi and bus drivers should all be arrested and shot in the head. We can do better without their nuisance. There’s no reason on earth these bus drivers have to wait for you to pass in front of them. “For Pete sakes the line ahead of you is not moving so why have you blocked the damn road?” As for the taxi drivers that stop right on the road whenever they feel like, should have their throats slit right there on their drivers seats. ”Bloody native goats”.

Who issued these people licenses? More like, where did these people buy their licenses? The sign simply says Reverse Parking Only, yet you do the exact opposite and park right before the sign. Are you from Hades or you simple can’t read? The idea is so that when you are leaving you do not back up into the road. Was that too hard to figure?

It is rush hour and we are all trying to get to work early. This woman drives unto the main road like her father built it and conveniently drives at 20km/h ahead of us all. We must really be that bored to have left our houses without destinations. After blaring horns like we were driving cattle we finally overtake to see the bloody ignoramus doing her make up and driving at the same time, assuming she was not on the phone at the same time.

Men and women that we would have readily called normal human beings, have their seat belts strapped on but have their kids standing on the front seat or playing at the back, up there by the rear speaker. All merry and very unstrapped. I may love children but if the death of one or two in their parents cars would teach us that lesson, the so be it.

There is no day I get behind the steering that I don’t curse vehemently. It is driving me nuts seeing this rubbish in different forms every damn day. I maintain that we’re not having our fair share of road mishaps; it will bring me great joy if people learned these lessons, preferably, the hard way.

34 comments:

~Sirius~ said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!

Tell me about it!

I gave uo loooooong ago.

I drive and constantly repeat in my head what my Pastor said.

"Drive and assume every other person driving on the road is a Potential Madman"

Be easy

StandTall-The Activist said...

Wish I can help with a solution cuz I am as mad on this issue as you are!

Miss Natural said...

it is extremely annoying and to think I don't even drive. It doesnt make me want to learn because I know how ridiculously crazy Nigerian and bad drivers in general are. Everytime the driver takes me out I just want to scream at him, but then I have to remember that this guy can leave me in teh car with the ignition. So I guess I do have to learn. Pele sha, just try and be calm about it. High BP is not the best.

theicequeen said...

looooool! it's the fear of them crazy people on the road that keeps me from taking driving seriously..i no fit drag road with anybody o! :P

theicequeen said...

p.s i changed my url

NoLimit said...

Baroque is back...and ranting too!!!
I found I had driver's license without even applying for one!
Does that tell you something about the maniacs on the road?
:-)

Scarlet said...

lol i'm feeling you men!! I've only ever driven in the U.K and even then i suffer bouts of road rage. honestly driving in nija would definately tip me over the edge.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

"issued licences" ke? You no know say you fit buy dat one finish?

Well, people say if you can drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere. I am yet to drive in the city of my birth and quite frankly, I have no plans to ever do so because Lagos drivers are wild!

My mom lives in Abuja and everytime she comes out to visit us, she makes comments about how nice everyone is on the rods over here. She has been terrorized by years of driving in Naija =)

Myne Whitman said...

Abeg nobody should die sha, LOL. But driving in naija na wa. SSD, Abuja is good now, don't just try Lagos oo.

bumight said...

lol! pele
ive always maintained that i dont kw how people drive in naija and still stay sane.

rethots said...

....normal cajoling got him not to update, taxi drivers and their bus counterparts prevailed. So, pray tell should 'we' not be delighted?

bArOquE said...

~Sirius, potential??? theses guys are beyond potential, they are in full bloom…being easy in this situation no be beans in a sachet

~StandTall, there must be something we can do about it oh? well, enjoy sane driving in the UK for now

~MissNatchi, it depends on how young, fearless & willing you are that will make you a good driver...It has been known that people that learn to drive in their old age don’t ever become good drivers. can you beat that?

~iceQueen, please take it seriously…because you must drag road one day…no dulling
PS: ...furnish me so I can edit my blogroll

~NoLimit, I totally agree…being driving since I was 14, & I’m one of the better drivers you may ever know, yet never did a test in Nigeria…imagine.hahaha

bArOquE said...

~scarlet, I’ve driven in the UK & can’t imagine what road rage you’re talking about…you must really be impatient. at last, someone worse than me

~solomonsydelle, technically, me sef I don buy license but I sabi how to drive. (cant wait for my first rally race)…
Lagos driving is interesting but PH is maddening

~MyneWhitman, SSD, what is??? The roads in Abuja are super but the people in Abuja DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!! no beef intended, its the simple truth

~bumight, shey you understand! I am convinced that one day, I’m gonna let hell loose again on one of those taxi drivers…I’ve got a couple of friends that will happily start the rough handling of any fool that asks for it, esp Rob…we're like Tango & Cash

~rethotz, yea, you can say that…thanks to our local transporters, they brought me out of hiding. how you dey joo?

CaramelD said...

The guardian angels of Naija drivers need to be paid overtime....Pele.

bArOquE said...

~Caramel, paid? they need to go on vacation so they dont break down...

Ms.O said...

lol! Driving in Nigeria is very fustrating! I dont know how people do it!

cerberus said...

what's your email boss, i'll send you the driving in Nigeria Manual a friend sent me. drop me a line mail2cerberus@gmail.com

N.I.M.M.O said...

Word of advice to Baroque:

Never, ever drive in Ibadan.

Lagos is sane compared to Ibadan.

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

Baroque, I don't drive in Naija, but I get mad here. When I come to Naija, I don't think I would even attempt to drive. I might suffer a coronary! LOL.

Ndo nwa nne'm jisi ike.

LucidLilith said...

Driving in naija is like suicide. I will never do it. Ever.

Rayo said...

Trust me, the whole 'horrible cab and bus drivers' thing is universal.

Rita said...

I totally feel you...

But imagine having to read a message that said we "murder" people everyday with the words we say on the road...I found myself totally guilty. Let's just hope and pray things really get better.

kmplx said...

*hugs* and wooosah!

ablackjamesbond said...

Nimmo, I couldn't agree more. Ibadan drivers are just MAD.

Baroque my brother, I feel ur pain.

bArOquE said...

~Ms.O, its like the neccesary evil...that so happens to be the only way to get around :-)

~cerebus, you've got mail

~NIMMO, are you serious about Ibadan? i might need to see for myself oh *in a Yoruba accent*

~Vera'm, *closes dictionary* coronary thrombosis, big English na im be that oh.LOL. anyway, i bet if you had to live here, you will not only attempt to drive, you WILL drive

~LucidL, just the way i'm not going to try to pronounce your name is the way you're not going to EVER drive in Nigeria...yeah right!!! you will oh. LMAO

~Rayo, it depends on your idea of universal? lemme know what you mean

~Rita, will it ever get better, i pray for other things my dear & pray for patience so i can remain sane

~kmplx, abeg hug me joo, i need am...xoxo

~black007, i need to go to this Ibadan sha oh

ManCee said...

LOL
I have a secret desire...to be able to ram into taxis/danfos and run over idiotic people who sashay across lagos freeways (right underneath pedestrian bridges, lol) without killing or injuring them (or injuring my car either)...just to remind/convince them that they can actually be hit and NOT invincible...
Ah well...wishes
*sigh*

sunnyside said...

@sirus your pastor really said that? thats interesting

bArOquE said...

~ManCee, secret desire? mine is an open one that will be accomplished when my Toyota Tundra comes...

~sunnySideup. i bet his pastor heard it from my mother...i heard her say that when i was a little kid

guerreiranigeriana said...

...wow!!...what a characteristic baroque post!!!...i've missed you!!...and frankly, i sympathize...i hate poor drivers...initially i thought your ideas of killing taxi and bus drivers was extreme...then i reflected on some memories of driving around or near imbeciles and quickly agreed with you!!...

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

i think they just give everybody a licence. (well they actually do if you prepared to pay lol) Dude stop mourning buy your ass a bicycle and cycle to work but doubt if you will make it coz those roads are a death trap to cyclists

bArOquE said...

~gnaija, thank God you could relate to the rage...its not like it has gotten better, right now, i just enjoy my music & try to be a lot more patient...its better than a visit to the panel beater's or better stil, the police station.LOL

~MissDefMayb, truth is, the license doesn't cost so much...& besides our roads being quite unsafe for cyclist, riding to work would be a mini Tour de France...thanks baby, but i'll pass

Queen of My Castle said...

Well babe, tell 'em why you're mad for crying out loud! LOL. I can sooooo relate. Driving in Houston is no walk through the park either. White people think they own the road. Black people do ignorant ish like double park, stop in the middle of the road to chat, and Hispanic people can't drive worth a damn.

bArOquE said...

~MyQueen, no matter how bad you may think it is, i bet you know it's quite fine, comparatively...btw, i miss you too (terribly)

Tyger said...

your rage is beautiful! native goats! bastard! shot in the head, slit throats! lmao! you make me crow with delight...

as per all those drivers... i think someone should open a big big psychiatric hospital and put everyone of them in it... including the mother who's kids are unstrapped in the back seat!